I broke down today in a public setting when someone deliberately attempted to annoy me because they enjoy my reactions when I get upset. My question is, how to deal with such things? Any hexbears who regularly deal with this or have suggestions on how to handle such situations? Am I just fucked with dealing with assholes?

Content Warning: self-harm

So, I get sensory overload pretty easily with seemingly small auditory cues, such as whistling, intermittent humming, low frequency vibrations (like from old AC units or fluorescent light bulbs). Someone I am forced to interact with on a daily basis decided they wanted to make me squirm today by whistling off-key repeatedly, loudly, and very near to where I was working. When I asked them to stop they continued to do it, kind of like a sibling who is bored and wanting to get some entertainment by driving the other party crazy. After 20 minutes of it I was getting to the point of distress, and I asked them to please stop because it was making me uncomfortable, and their response was to try and do it more loudly. I finally went to them and talked to them directly, face to face, and all but begged them to stop because it was making me uncomfortable and it was getting disrespectful, near tears at that point, and they rolled their eyes and said “Sorry you got triggered”. The reality was that I was to the point of starting to scratch myself with my nails to distract myself because I was so distraught from the noise, something that I’ve come to understand happens when I’m starting to dissociate. I’m ashamed to say I dug my nails in enough to draw blood and leave marks, something I haven’t done in a long while. Ended up leaking a few tears, which is really embarrassing and shameful for me when I’m not alone…

I have to work with this person every day, and I can’t wear headphones/ play music/ do things to block them out like I normally would. I just got this job but I’m already to the point where my mental health is being trashed after just a few weeks. Am I SOL? Anyone have anything that could help with this, even if it’s suggestions on dealing with over stimulation in a work setting as someone with autism? I keep my ND a secret; no one knows I’m on the spectrum. …am I overreacting? niko-tear-wipe

  • Breath_Of_The_Snake [they/them, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    15·
    5 months ago

    Edit: I probably shouldn’t have immediately suggested a nuclear option. Apologies if that was counterproductive.

    You don’t have to passively accept abuse and with creativity can remove them from your life.

    Documenting it somehow, even if it’s just an asking a sympathetic person to witness without getting involved so there’s a person to back up your side.

    If it’s legal in your jurisdiction have a voice memo recording in your pocket when you ask them to stop. If you really want to get them fired intentionally giving a reaction to the initial harassment and then very politely making it clear in HR language that you are being harmed. Pretty sure you can get them fired this way.

    You can lie about why it’s harming you, I don’t know what a good one is off the top of my head, but if decide to pursue this I’m willing to help figure that out so you can continue keeping it secret.

    • un_mask_me [any]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
      14·
      5 months ago

      No apologies needed, I appreciate the response, and I’ll consider your suggestions. I’m the new kid in the office and the workplace is very bougie with some pretty blatant nepotism. Also in an at-will state, so confronting them could very well put me on the manager’s short list, since it’s still within the 90 day probation period, where they can fire me without a reason.

      • Breath_Of_The_Snake [they/them, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
        10·
        5 months ago

        Office environment isn’t one I have any experience with, but is it a small business or a large one? HR is never as anonymous as it claims, but skipping your in office HR and going straight to corporate as soon the probationary period is over might work.

        Is the no headphones angle one that can be attacked? Like do you actually need to hear people on a moments notice or is it just a rule? If it’s a rule maybe asking nicely by saying something like “I can more quickly enter a flow state and increase productivity if I listen to certain music and don’t want to force everyone else to listen to my music”. They might actually expect you to increase productivity though which could be a problem if you’re already giving it 100%.

        If you can make it 90 days and don’t give cause you’ll have a wider array of solutions. I’m only saying that because a light at the end of tunnel can help make things more bearable. I’m hoping that focusing on that in conjunction with better suggestions that others hopefully chime in with could be helpful to you.

        Sorry none of my suggestions are directly what you asked for, but I’m having a really hard time thinking of something.

        • un_mask_me [any]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
          10·
          5 months ago

          Hey no worries, honestly it’s helping just to put things on a possible to-do list so I do appreciate it. It’s a mid-size company with one of the crappiest HR lady’s I’ve ever encountered. The headphones thing is a rule because we have to be available to answer phones and messages within a specific time frame. It’s got a lot of weird rules that are in writing but only enforced for certain people.

          • Breath_Of_The_Snake [they/them, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
            7·
            5 months ago

            Do you want me to just keep spitballlng ideas? I’ve got some time and might as well help a comrade brainstorm if it’s something you’re finding useful. It’ll also bump the thread so if nothing else it’ll help people who might have the answer find it.

            Idea: visual indicator that there’s a call and headphones with an easy to activate transparency mode (disclaimer: transparency modes make all the sounds that fuck with me infinitely worse so this could backfire if you’re similar in that regard assuming it’s even possible to swing the compromise).

            No idea how to pitch it without telling them the truth as to why.

            • un_mask_me [any]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
              6·
              5 months ago

              If you have ideas I’m all for hearing them, and even better if it gives other comrades some viable options if they’re in a similar situation with less restrictions. I’m feeling pretty exhausted and might have to pass out soon, so I might not respond til tomorrow. The phones we use have headsets that are provided by the company and can’t be swapped out, which I guess is why they don’t allow headphones–maybe the assumption is that they’ll get in the way of the headset or delay answering calls. I just assumed some old person complained about someone listening to music on the clock and they made it a rule. I like that idea though, had no idea there were headphones with transparency mode out there.