Practice being cognizant of this. Visualize yourself being aware of this while talking with people. This kind of visualization often helps me realize when I am engaging in behavior I want to change.
I don’t need to change, I just need more people to talk to outside of work. Making new friends at my age is the Dark Souls of socializing 💀
Board game groups, trivia, coed pickup sports in the summer, Facebook social groups for any of your interests (hiking, gaming, book clubs, etc)
The only reliable way to make actual friends is be somewhere where you bump into them on a regular basis. If you’re a shut-in it’s not gonna happen.
well nevermind then
I went to a board game meetup group for a while but never ended up having many conversations outside of what was needed for the games themselves. I think the facebook thing might have had something to do with it, the group organized mostly through facebook and people suggested I communicate with it but I am banned from facebook and don’t want to use it anyway.
Yes, but if you don’t deal with the negative feelings you have when people comment on something you’re self conscious about, its still going to affect you. Not everything can be solved with exposure therapy.
That’s not a problem with me, it’s the lack of like-minded individuals with which to converse. I’m not really self-conscious about anything other than doing my job at work.
Meet Ups. Seriously. I got most of my post-school friends from doing that. Boardgame meetups were the best.
Quantify everything in terms of video game difficulty might be the first red flag
It was one thing in one sentence 😐
I prefer chatting with people who talk a lot, because I never have a lot to say.
Mood , only they don’t need to tell me I talk a lot. I just assume I do eventually, and close down on my own out of internalized shame.
Same. My turnaround time on that has gotten so quick, that I just don’t meet people now. Can’t talk too much to someone if you never meet them. And for people I already know, I just assume they’re not interested in anything I have to say.
This, except I’m the person who tells me I talk a lot
Sounds like a toxic person that “friend”
I mean… “you talk a lot” isn’t that bad depending on how it’s delivered. It’s something that is possible to respond to by healthy adjustment rather than overcompensating to the opposite extreme.
the circle of real social life
Just practice more social awareness
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It’s a skill of being able to feel what other people are feeling. So if can imagine the other person “feeling” when you talk to them, you can imagine them feeling exhausted when you go off on stuff.
I think Ive gotten used to listening more. I can hear mt own stories any time I want, and another person’s reaction to my stories is pretty lackluster. But give someone room to talk and you’ll have the most easy start to a friendship. Just not too much, or I won’t care and our investment levels will be too much if a mismatch. I like listening.
