Third Grader tells me to close my eyes and extend my hand so he could show me his favorite rock. I expected a sample sized mineral, but he gave me an amethyst as big as my two fists.

Another Third Grader, seeing the picture of a telephone pole: this is the stick where they impaled Jesus???

Kid 1: “Ask me to read out loud! I’m good at that!” Kid 2: “Shut up, you couldn’t even copy my homework right”.

“I’m gonna take a picture of you two and show it to my doctor as the reason behind my madness”.

“Teacher! How long can you hold your breath?!” Proceeds to SHOVE fingers up my nose while counting.

I put my hand too close to a kid’s mouth and he licked me. He’s 11.

“I’m tired of thinking!” Bold of you to say that, while coming to class wearing the shirt inside out.

“I failed the exam because I’m dyslexic!!!” It was an oral exam. Also she’s not dyslexic.

“Can I have a snack?” “Okay, if you are careful”. Proceeds to take out a can of tuna with tomato sauce and a fork, to my eternal horror.

Kid thought that the female of “bro” is “bra”.

A Third Grader began to cry and wail because he didn’t want to read, so I started crying too, to see what happened. “No no no stop that, I will read BUT STOPP”