My parents completely believed this, said they even heard of people putting razor blades into candy.

Warned me to never accept candy or treats that was custom made or had an opened package.

…No… one… ever gave out any candy that was not just from a bag of mixed halloween candy bought at a super market.

But it did contribute to my crippling anxiety and paranoia.

At one point (this is waaay before webcams or cheap and small cameras were a thing, mid 90s), they told me they had put cameras all over the house, ‘so we’ll know if you misbehave while we’re out and you don’t have a babysitter!’

… I spent the entire time they were gone looking for cameras. When they got back, I told them that unless they were using literal spy cameras, they had lied to me.

They just smiled.

Said nothing.

Just smiled.

…

They managed to not tell me what their actual anniversary date was for 30 years.

Because it was 3 or 4 months before I was born.

And they had told me my whole life that they’d been a proper Christian couple, who didn’t have sex until after marriage.

Yeah turns out they were both drug addicts, alcoholics, going to parties all the time, my mom may have even been bisexual… but they decided to become strict fundamentalist Christians and raise me as if they always had been too.

…

I don’t talk to my parents anymore.