So, a lot of my family is alcoholic - both paternally as well as maternally. Both parents are alcoholics, but it’s not taking their lives over completely: they’re still, more or less, functioning members of society with stable income and such. My older brother is an alcoholic, not really aware of what it’s doing to relationships to me, my younger brother, and our parents and completely shuts off whenever it’s brought up as a subject. He hasn’t achieved too much in his life, probably because of alcohol, and is the type of person of getting super close up in your personal space, super loud and obnoxious when he’s drunk. Not pleasant to be around.
Back when we all lived at our parents’, it was mostly fine when I started university - we gamed a lot, spent time together, went to university together, had mutual “friends” etc. He had problems with alcohol, but they were not as pronounced as they are now. Co-dependancy led to a lot of cope and ignoring of his issues from my side which changed drastically when I moved out and moved in with my girlfriend. We started seeing each other a lot less frequently - say, like 5-7 times a year for birthdays or other similar family gatherings - and whenever we see each other, he brings up that we don’t see each other at all. Yea, I guess when I just can’t stand you at all when you’re drunk, that influences my willingness to meet up.
Last year on my birthday, I requested beforehand that we spend the evening without my family drinking alcohol at all. They were quite shocked and at a loss for words, saying that they’re not sure if that’s possible, but were ultimately fine with it and didn’t drink anything. They also only served vegan food instead of the usual vegan food for my girlfriend and I plus their stuff too which felt awesome. Best birthday in years.
I have more contact with my little brother who still lives at my parents’ and has contact with my older brother, but it’s not terrificly much either. I know that he’s not doing well there in terms of his relationship with our brother, but he’s not seeing the issues. Co-dependancy is more pronounced with him still. It hurts me that we’re not spending much time together since he was constantly around before I moved out, spending time with me and my girlfriend a lot, going on trips, playing games etc., but I’m just not really “in the mood” these past few years.
I’ve thought of giving my older brother an ultimatum, letting him decide to choose the alcohol or the relationship with me, but I’m too scared of conflicts, so I end up ignoring my family for the most part. I’m happy living my life with my girlfriend and don’t mourn over it too much, figuring out our life living together. I’m just happy I’m not exposed to the constant bullshit anymore.
So, a lot of my family is alcoholic - both paternally as well as maternally. Both parents are alcoholics, but it’s not taking their lives over completely: they’re still, more or less, functioning members of society with stable income and such. My older brother is an alcoholic, not really aware of what it’s doing to relationships to me, my younger brother, and our parents and completely shuts off whenever it’s brought up as a subject. He hasn’t achieved too much in his life, probably because of alcohol, and is the type of person of getting super close up in your personal space, super loud and obnoxious when he’s drunk. Not pleasant to be around.
Back when we all lived at our parents’, it was mostly fine when I started university - we gamed a lot, spent time together, went to university together, had mutual “friends” etc. He had problems with alcohol, but they were not as pronounced as they are now. Co-dependancy led to a lot of cope and ignoring of his issues from my side which changed drastically when I moved out and moved in with my girlfriend. We started seeing each other a lot less frequently - say, like 5-7 times a year for birthdays or other similar family gatherings - and whenever we see each other, he brings up that we don’t see each other at all. Yea, I guess when I just can’t stand you at all when you’re drunk, that influences my willingness to meet up.
Last year on my birthday, I requested beforehand that we spend the evening without my family drinking alcohol at all. They were quite shocked and at a loss for words, saying that they’re not sure if that’s possible, but were ultimately fine with it and didn’t drink anything. They also only served vegan food instead of the usual vegan food for my girlfriend and I plus their stuff too which felt awesome. Best birthday in years.
I have more contact with my little brother who still lives at my parents’ and has contact with my older brother, but it’s not terrificly much either. I know that he’s not doing well there in terms of his relationship with our brother, but he’s not seeing the issues. Co-dependancy is more pronounced with him still. It hurts me that we’re not spending much time together since he was constantly around before I moved out, spending time with me and my girlfriend a lot, going on trips, playing games etc., but I’m just not really “in the mood” these past few years.
I’ve thought of giving my older brother an ultimatum, letting him decide to choose the alcohol or the relationship with me, but I’m too scared of conflicts, so I end up ignoring my family for the most part. I’m happy living my life with my girlfriend and don’t mourn over it too much, figuring out our life living together. I’m just happy I’m not exposed to the constant bullshit anymore.