I’m 35, I do okay. I mumble when I’m shy, and when I’m not into it, i.e. the pleasantries over the counter in a shop. I had the ‘you talk like a robot’ comments all through school. I know I speak a certain way and I’m mostly okay with it.
I bought a coffee this morning before getting the train into work. I did my usual awkward mumbling, I ordered the flat white with all the elocution I could muster so as to avoid repeating myself - I hate repeating myself - but the rest was mumbled and just audible enough for them to know that I asked to pay by card and that I was thanking them as I left.
There were two clerks, a small independent shop. The male clerk, upon me saying thanks and turning to walk to the door, gave an exaggerated mumble, which made the girl working with him laugh. I ignored it and left, but afterwards it really griped on me.
The only way to communicate with the establishment is by instagram, so I set up an account and messaged the business account (they own 3 shops in my local area). The person followed it up; naturally the pair working there said that it never happened. The owner has invited me back tomorrow, when he will be working with the male clerk, to receive an apology. I don’t think I want to go. Should I go? I’m not sure what outcome I wanted, I think I just wanted to speak out about it.
I appreciate that the quiet hours in the shop are boring, and they need to make their own entertainment, but he could have just waited for me to leave the shop before he made his joke - although I do understand that to impress the girl it must done to me brazenly, for the shock factor required to make such a witless joke funny.
I’m not quite sure why this has aggravated me so much today, but it has. I can normally roll my eyes at this kind of stuff or laugh it off, but it really wound me up. Maybe because I am a paying customer and expect that in engaging in this process I am not going to encounter this kind of playground mentality.
Thank you. You are right I don’t owe them anything. I kind of want to go confront the guy, but I don’t see what good it would do.
Your message was enough. Send them something in response but leave it at that, it’ll just cause unnecessary trauma. Mention that thing about being able to recognise the behaviour because it’s your job to do so. That’s enough.
The way I see it, this could be two of the possible outcomes.
One, the guy is just an asshole by nature and his “apology” will be just as empty as his mocking. Which means nothing but at least you have stood your ground. People like this can’t be changed, and it sucks that they are out there. If you feel like this is the case, then at least you know after the “apology” that your next option is to just never go back.
Second, the guy has a realization and the world gives him a little slap in the face, which means he gets a little maturing life lesson. Life says “Hey dumbass, you can’t act like that. Or at least not in public.” It’s highly possible that this kid (I am assuming his age) has never done something to threaten his paycheck and this might be a wakeup call.
Also, I wouldn’t look at it as ‘confronting’ him, more as trying to teach him. What he did isn’t appropriate, and actions can have consequences. The other thing I would say is that you should also use this as maybe a moment to just resolve this in your head, regardless of what his outcome is. My parents were very good at instilling in me that you don’t let anyone have any power over you in cases like this. That’s what people who act like that are after. Go in, state your case, and whatever happens to him is none of your concern, but he will know that he holds no power over you. If you don’t show up, then he knows exactly how to get you to react, especially since you have brought it up with the establishment. If you hadn’t said anything then it’s possible he would never know you even heard him, but it has been brought up. Not saying that is good or bad, just pointing out that he now knows you heard him, and even though you may never see this person again in your lifetime, for you it might be best to make your point with him and show him that it’s not something that you will put up with and you damn sure aren’t going to let him get away with it.
Again, this is all just my opinion and how I would handle it. No judgement here if you decide to just not go and possibly stop going to this establishment. That will send its own message. Since I am not you, maybe something like going to a mirror and having this conversation and getting it out of your system is what you need to do. Like when people write a note to someone and then toss it. Just know that it sucks it happened, and unfortunately the world is filled with inconsiderate assholes. Sorry for the long post.
I appreciate the thought. The second possibility actually makes me happy I contacted the owner. He is young, and he wouldn’t have known that I speak like I do for any reason, he could well have just thought I was stoned or something, which in fairness does happen a lot to me.
I too would like to see my second thought be the way it plays out. :)