I just had my first ever meeting with a psychiatrist to get diagnosed with ADHD.
Long story short, they said that I clearly exhibit ADHD symptoms.
But they’re not willing to go forward with a diagnosis because, according to them, I seem to be doing alright in my life, so the symptoms are hardly causing me enough problems to be eligible for a diagnosis. (And also because there’s no evidence of me having had such symptoms in childhood.)
And I was just sitting there thinking, do you really think I would be here if I didn’t think the symptoms were causing me problems in life?
Based on what they said, they expected me to have experienced things like getting warnings or being fired from jobs, ruining my relationships with people, and such. And they suggested the usual things, exercise, the Pomodoro method, etc. As if I haven’t tried them already.
My bad for masking so well, I guess.
Anyway, just wanted to vent a bit. I know it’s too common a story. I guess the next thing I need to do is to find a psychiatrist specializing in adult ADHD. Once my (still undiagnosed) ADHD lets me do that.
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I recently (a couple of years ago now) reached out to a psychiatrist because I was finding it increasingly difficult to cope. My responsibilities at work continue to expand and become more cerebral, requiring more time in front of the computer.
I made sure and told him of my childhood history of being diagnosed young and having to go to the nurse’s office every day at lunch to get my afternoon pill and how that made me feel isolated and different. But that over time the pills helped me pull up my grades. Having been diagnosed as a child makes this process much easier as an adult.
The weird thing? He didn’t ask for any records or proof of my childhood diagnosis. I really was on Ritalin from the second grade through high school and then Adderall in college. But he didn’t ask for any cooborating evidence of that.
I guess you can take from that what you like. But they just don’t seem to follow up on your childhood history of treatment.
I feel for people who weren’t diagnosed as children and had to suffer with this without any assistance. It seems unfair that those people can’t get help now, just because they weren’t offered it in the past.
Yeah when my doc asked me to talk about it I mentioned what a typical day was like for me.
I didn’t hold back about it at all.
My thinking was basically it took me 8 months to schedule this thing and had to wait a further 3 for the appointment, I wasn’t going to sugar coat it.
And I basically described how my morning was basically a never ending string of attempting to do various things to the point where my coffee was usually room temp by the time I drank it.
It probably didn’t hurt that I had forgotten to shave the previous couple days.
I also talked her ear off for almost an hour and was unable to maintain specific topics on the main topic without a shit ton of detours.
I also mentioned that it felt like I had very little to no control of my life due to being unable to actually get things done that I started.
Basically the point I’ve flown right past is when going to a doc about something (anything really) it’s best to be perfectly honest about what you’re experiencing and to not mask at all.
Which is pretty frickin hard to do in my experience because of that wonderful little thing known as RSD. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, a fairly common thing in people with ADHD.
I finally talked to my PCP about getting a diagnosis a few months ago, (I wasn’t even thinking about medication, just taking to someone who could help guide me through this. I’ve thought I was neurotypical for almost 40 years!) and I got the same “Well, you seem to be doing well enough, so do you REALLY want to take a pill for the rest of your life?” Hey, asshole, I already take 3 pills everyday for BP and gout, you didn’t hesitate to prescribe those. 🤦🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️
I feel you and that’s frustrating.
I went back recently as an adult over 30 and was basically told the same thing. What’s frustrating to me is that I was diagnosed as a teenager. I was on Ritalin, Adderall, Straterra, and more. There is documentation. But my parents lost it all so it’s like it never happened. What’s even more frustrating is that I’m going to the same exact doctors office as when I was a teenager, but they don’t have those records anymore. Apparently they purge records after 15 years. So basically they have to start with me as an undiagnosed adult, which they don’t really do.
They said the same things to me, I have a good job, house, relationship, and all that, so I must not be doing too bad. But what bothers me is the level I feel I should be operating at compared to how I’m actually functioning. When I was in the military there was enough structure for me to function decently. Now that I’m out and higher up in my workplace with less supervision/accountability/structure, I find myself struggling more with my ADHD symptoms. But no medical professionals seem to care so I guess I’ll just keep self medicating…
Gosh, sorry to hear that. I’m also “functional”, but I’m that duck paddling madly underwater to get anywhere.
I thought my psychiatrist was also going to say I’m normal because my parents insisted I was when I gave them the childhood ADHD assessment form.
I read a few questions to my mother because she didn’t want to read it herself, and stopped at about 5 before giving it to my dad to fill out. The final question being: “Does your child have trouble completing schoolwork or household tasks?”
Her answer: (on a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being normal and 5 being very bad ADHD) 1, you didn’t have trouble, you’re just lazy.
All my life, hearing “you have potential, but you’re just lazy”, or “I didn’t see you dozing off playing games”. No, I’m not lazy, and yes, I have fallen asleep gaming, multiple times.
I hope you’ll be able to find that diagnosis or at least proper support for your struggles. Just because we function, doesn’t mean we can’t function even better with help and medication.
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Guess it depends on the doctor. I went in and said I had adhd and they looked at my body language and diagnosed me on the spot lol
Urgh that suuucks! I speak from personal experience as well. “Oh you did well in school and even had a learning group? Sorry you can’t have ADHD. NEXT!”
I was so disappointed that all the effort of actual getting an apointmemt basically went to shit. Haven’t done anything since then but I know I should keep looking.
I guess they may have thought you were there only for the “legal speed”.
I would just try another doctor… I would not take it personally… Albeit it sucks you had the experience 😕
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Thank you for your comment, it’s really something to think about. Maybe I didn’t really get the important points across to the psychiatrist. I know that lots of people struggle with their symptoms much worse than I ever have. It is true that, in a certain sense, I’m doing fine, outwardly in particular. But it feels like my “doing fine” comes at the cost of a huge mental effort. It’s like I have to fight against my brain to be able to do the minimum necessary effort at the things I *need *to do for work, at home, etc. And all of the things I want to do but don’t strictly need to, like hobbies, passions, career aspirations and such, there’s simply no mental effort or focus left for most of them most of the time. I constantly feel like I’m not able to focus on anything, I can’t perform at my best, always procrastinating, always having to focus all of the little focus I have on simply managing to stay afloat, always drained, always stressed, always overwhelmed with everything. Always feeling guilty for slacking off and being “lazy”. Feeling like I’m wasting my life, unable to do things which I really, really want to do but for whatever reason can’t bring myself to focus on.
What could I gain? I could say a lot about that, but I guess it boils down to, I really would like to be able to choose what to focus on and when. Instead of my brain just deciding not to focus on anything, except potentially some ongoing hyperfocus obsession.
It’s like I have to fight against my brain to be able to do the minimum necessary effort at the things I *need *to do for work, at home, etc. And all of the things I want to do but don’t strictly need to, like hobbies, passions, career aspirations and such, there’s simply no mental effort or focus left for most of them most of the time. I constantly feel like I’m not able to focus on anything, I can’t perform at my best, always procrastinating, always having to focus all of the little focus I have on simply managing to stay afloat, always drained, always stressed, always overwhelmed with everything. Always feeling guilty for slacking off and being “lazy”. Feeling like I’m wasting my life, unable to do things which I really, really want to do but for whatever reason can’t bring myself to focus on.
This is classic ADHD and is obviously taking a toll on you! I relate so much. I was able to kinda keep it together in that same way until I got pregnant a little over 16 years ago, then the hormonal changes and the mental burden of caring for a child absolutely wrecked my ability to mask at all, but I didn’t get diagnosed until a few months ago.
If you felt like you generally had a good rapport with that doctor, it might be worth going back to emphasize these aspects of your struggle and the toll they’re taking on your life and health, but if you didn’t have a good vibe from the doctor, see someone else.
I found it very helpful to prepare a list of all the ways I was struggling, including anything I was doing to mask my struggles. I used to be late for everything and forget appointments, but now every event in my calendar has 5 notifications in the lead up so I can’t forget (1 week, 1 day, 12 hours, 4 hours, 1 hour). I bet you’ve developed similar systems that seem excessive to outside observers but totally sensible to your fellow ADHD’ers, and talking to your doctor about the ways your coping strategies cause their own difficulties and burdens might help them realize that you’re genuinely doing everything you can but still need help.
Thank you for the encouragement! Looking back, it’s obvious that I was dealing with the same issues already in my late teens and early twenties, but it was only during my postgraduate studies that they really started to become an impediment and I started suspecting that I might have ADHD. Now that I have my PhD and am pursuing an academic career, I’ve really started feeling my web of coping mechanisms start to rip at the seams, and I fear that eventually something will give and everything will come crashing down.
(And one of the reasons the psychiatrist didn’t think I can have ADHD is that I managed to complete a PhD and have a decent academic job. But there are tons of stories out there about people doing exactly that?)
Making a list of the ways I struggle and what I’m doing to mask them is a very good suggestion. But it also sounds difficult, because many of the coping mechanisms are so ingrained at this point that I don’t even realize they’re coping mechanisms. And because I need to remember to write things down when I think of them!
Oh yeah, making the list is going to be a pain in the ass! For mine, I started a little note for it in my phone, and every time I came across an ADHD thing while internetting that made me think “omg me too!” I would put it on the list. I also sorta “cheated” to get started by looking at lists of symptoms and problems and coping strategies and copying anything that was relevant to me. I think it helped that I didn’t set out to get it all down at once, I just added to it here and there as I thought of things while doing other things, and it grew.
Here’s some of mine, maybe this can help you get the ball rolling?
Symptoms in Adulthood:
- Head full of constant noise - songs, chatter, repeated phrases - “bees in head” - EEAAO perfect illustration w IRS meeting scene
- Bumping into things, bruises, falling - I used to be a dancer, I have great balance and pretty good coordination, but I’m a real klutz when I’m not focused on movement, get injured often, and am literally constantly sporting at least a couple bruises from just existing in my house - what will happen when I’m elderly and fragile???
- talk too much/overshare, interrupting
- struggle to read anything not totally engrossing, but then dead to the world when engrossed
- Financial instability, overdrafts, credit issues, etc - much better now with autopay etc, but I still occasionally fuck up and pay the “ADHD Tax” at least a couple times a year.
- Auditory processing issues, difficulty with spoken multi-step instructions, have to write things down
- Often blank on direct questions - what do you like, what have you been doing, etc
- Lose track of time
- Can only do one or two things a day, have to devote entire day to social function or anything very taxing
- Have to set reminders and add things to list immediately or they will be forgotten
- Rejection sensitivity
- Completely derailed by strong emotions
- struggle to develop habits (but does make it easier to drop bad ones like smoking, binge drinking)
Attempts to help self:
- Lists & reminders - I even have lists of lists and reminders of reminders, it is absurd
- Routines, sleep hygiene
- Breaking big tasks into small
- DBT workbook to help with emotional issues
- Meditation - I can’t reliably do the sitting still kind, but the walking/doing kind is very helpful
- Exercise (elliptical, pilates, weights, yoga)
- Coffee, energy drinks
- Podcasts & music to try to power through boring tasks
Oh wow, thank you so much for the list! Almost all of the symptoms you’ve listed apply to me too. Some of them I didn’t even think would be related to ADHD, like blanking on direct questions.
🤗 I hope it helps, and even more, I hope you get the care you need. Diagnosis and medication made a huge difference in my life, most importantly in how I think of myself. Doing anything I can do to help anyone else on that road feels really good, because it’s as much an act of self-compassion as it is an act of service.
