I’ve never thought about it until now, the only times when I ever felt fulfilled is when I’m doing something for others and helping them achieve their goals. I myself have goals and dreams of my own but I’ve never feel motivated to work towards them for myself, it just feels like a boring chore.
And thanks to that, my life is an absolute mess now, I know what I should have done for my own good but I just couldn’t find the will to do it without someone forces me, and sometimes even that doesn’t work.
I’m not saying I’m a good person, I’m anything but a saint, I might enjoy helping others but for some I just don’t give a damn.
I agree with what the other posters have said, especially about the fact that it seems you may be depressed, and also I see the same patterns I displayed when I was depressed and didn’t want to deal with it. “I know I need to get help but first I’ll take care of my spouse’s problem, and also my son needs to get through his thing, and also a friend has seemed down so I should check on them. I’ll look into therapy someday but right now I’m too busy.” It made it impossible for me to deal with my own issues and also not my fault, but really that was kind of a lie I told myself in hindsight.
When I stopped putting it off and started journaling about what it is that makes me feel bad pre-therapy, I found that it was well past time I start taking care of myself. Once I did, I was so much stronger. Post-therapy and healthy methods of dealing with anxiety and depressive thoughts me is still able to be there for my friends and family but also able to be there for myself.
I really think the first step is sitting down with your thoughts about yourself and your life, making sense of what is going on, and coming up with a plan for how to move forward.