I honestly feel bad posting here again, I feel like a burden. It’s just me struggling… so feel free to skip this post and look at more interesting things
the past two months have been much tougher for me than usual, and when I am not doing well, my capacity to interact with other people is pretty close to zero. I feel a very strong desire to be alone. Having other people notice that I am not well is pretty much the worst thing - I can’t talk about what’s wrong, and every time I tried my best expressing myself it didn’t help. All I really get is advice that does not work for me. So I usually try to pretend I am okay, but at a certain point I can’t even really do that anymore.
problem is I’m not living alone. I’ve skipped quite a number of meals in the past week because I don’t want to get into conversations that I don’t want to have. I feel like it would be disastrous unmasked, that’s why I go this far just to avoid interaction. both of my roommates judge me for spending so much time in my room and I think they tell me to get out every time they see me. I never know how to react to that. Being open about my mental health isn’t a good idea - it will end up in them giving me advice that might work for neurotypical, and then they’d blame me if I don’t follow their advice. They already kind of do that. I’ve told one of them about my diagnosis but I don’t really think that has no meaning for him.
I feel pathetic skipping dinner anything because I want to avoid social interactions. But in all honesty, I still think it is not worth the stress.
You could try writing out a letter to give them or a script for yourself to read to them? I find writing things out gives me enough distance from the problem to be able to gather my thoughts.
Yea putting it on paper makes it real, easier to decipher, discard, and make true. I love writing and I’m far better at communicating that way than speaking. Public speaking for me is a confidence issue. It takes me forever to get comfortable with someone, and a little longer to be open and spontaneous. I’m good once I get there, but ultimately I’m better at writing than speaking. I find myself dumbing things down, for others and myself, to the point of intelligibility lol.
I’ll think about that, thanks.
Sometimes I just lie and tell poeple I’m sick. Something like a sinus infection or headache. Easy to get, not necessarily any visible symptoms. Explains the lack of appetite too. They don’t necessarily need to know the exact reason you are keeping to yourself.
This is why I concluded that I can’t live in shared housing. Thankfully my social phobia isn’t triggered by living with a partner or I’d be fucked as far as affording housing.
I don’t have any useful advice or way to help, but you’re not a burden and you’re not the only one to feel this way. Sorry if that’s not exactly comforting.
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Are you neurotypical? Because following this advice typically drives autists to a meltdown.
By this
Having other people notice that I am not well is pretty much the worst thing
Do you mean
- Feeling shame/guilty/etc about how you’re perceived by others, or
- Needing to manage their reactions (like, what you talked about for the rest of your post)
I think it is both. Having people notice makes matters worse for me. Even with the best of intentions, other people’s advice is not helpful for me, and I always feel like I have to pretend to be appreciative of what they say.
I see. For the first part, it sounds like it’s pretty wrapped up with ideas about what you should be doing and what other people think about you. It can be helpful to recognise what those ideas are, and that you don’t have to believe them if they’re not working out. NT strategies like CBT or mindfulness can actually be decent for this sort of stuff (even if they insist on recommending it for frikken everything), but it’s a bit of a long term project and better to tackle when you have energy for it.
For the immediate problem, there was a suggestion to get out on a long walk. There’s also options of somewhere like a gym or library if it suits you better. If you do still need to communicate with your flatmates, is there a medium that would suit you better, like text or a written note or something?
This is also someone else’s advice btw. You’re free to tell me if it’s unhelpful bullshit. In fact, I insist on it!
