I don’t want to give too many details so as to avoid doxing myself. I never left the US and wouldn’t have done so if asked, but fundamentally, I don’t think that really matters. It’s all part of the same machine. It was well before I became anything that could be described as communist, but all that means is that it hit that much harder when I had to come to terms with what I’d been a part of.
Maybe that’s the sort of thing you can’t ever make up for, but I’ll spend the rest of my life trying anyway. If anyone on this site never wants anything to do with me again after having read this, I understand.
What’s important is you realize now what horrors you were contributing to, no matter how far removed from it. It’s not an irredeemable stain of sin; it’s something you did before you knew any better, because you had been lied to your entire life, and are in fact still constantly lied to. You just understand they’re lies now.
Thanks. It’s just been kind of weighing on me since I occasionally see the sentiment of “all current and former US soldiers should be killed” get upvoted and I don’t really consider myself any better than a former troop just because someone else was paying me for the same kind of work.