Texarkana Congressman Chestinauld “Tater” Ford-Walmart III was set upon by a gang of youths outside his family’s personal bowling alley. Once he was cornered, they opened their mouths simultaneously to emit a loud static and a disembodied voice whispering violently, “The Future Is Now, We Are The Dark Sunrise.” Then they all started twerking, unamericanly, forcing the Congressman to flee for his life and hide next door in his family’s personal Bible Study Hall & Golden Corral.