HOST “Fleet Adrmiral Duck, in all candor- was there ever a time you doubted the temporal alignment would seal the rift?”
DUCK “Quack”
Applause and laughter
HOST “Oh my- yes indeed and it’s fantastic you can remain humble about it. We owe you all so much.”
GIRL “I sealed the rift with my brain rays!”
Audience awwwwwwwws, light laughter
HOST “Yes you did, dear.”
GIRL “But I wish the monsters hadn’t eaten my soul and left me with a cold, dark emptiness- unbound from humanity. I think I’m becoming something else, something angry at humans, something hungry.”
Dead silence
GIRL “I hope it’s not contagious.”
Nervous laughter
DUCK “Quack”
Confident laughter
HOST “That’s right, she’s just having a hard time with the spotlight. She’s got a great road ahead.”
OLD MAN “That duck’s just a duck, you know. It just quacks. It’s all in her head.”
Audience gasps
HOST “Well yes of course, Fleet Admiral Duck commanded our little heroine here to-”
OLD MAN “No, no- she just says that. She just likes the duck. This is all her. I’m just here because I’m her great grandfather and I’m the only one she won’t kill with her brain rays when I tell her ‘No’. That’s all that happened. Sent her up in a spaceship and pointed her at the alien mothership and told her they were meanies and wham-o, melted all their brains.”
HOST “Could she do that to us?”
OLD MAN “Oh yeah, and you should be very worried about the hunger thing- I don’t even know what to make of that.”
DUCK “Quack”
Audience laughs hysterically
AUDIENCE MEMBER: “Yeah, Admiral- you tell 'em!”
OLD MAN “What? He didn’t say- wait… Kiddo- are you doing this?”
DUCK “Quack”
Audience laughs hysterically
OLD MAN “Kiddo?”
GIRL “Sorry- I’ll stop. Can we go get some fetal tissue and a cloning lab?”
HOST “Fleet Adrmiral Duck, in all candor- was there ever a time you doubted the temporal alignment would seal the rift?”
DUCK “Quack”
Applause and laughter
HOST “Oh my- yes indeed and it’s fantastic you can remain humble about it. We owe you all so much.”
GIRL “I sealed the rift with my brain rays!”
Audience awwwwwwwws, light laughter
HOST “Yes you did, dear.”
GIRL “But I wish the monsters hadn’t eaten my soul and left me with a cold, dark emptiness- unbound from humanity. I think I’m becoming something else, something angry at humans, something hungry.”
Dead silence
GIRL “I hope it’s not contagious.”
Nervous laughter
DUCK “Quack”
Confident laughter
HOST “That’s right, she’s just having a hard time with the spotlight. She’s got a great road ahead.”
OLD MAN “That duck’s just a duck, you know. It just quacks. It’s all in her head.”
Audience gasps
HOST “Well yes of course, Fleet Admiral Duck commanded our little heroine here to-”
OLD MAN “No, no- she just says that. She just likes the duck. This is all her. I’m just here because I’m her great grandfather and I’m the only one she won’t kill with her brain rays when I tell her ‘No’. That’s all that happened. Sent her up in a spaceship and pointed her at the alien mothership and told her they were meanies and wham-o, melted all their brains.”
HOST “Could she do that to us?”
OLD MAN “Oh yeah, and you should be very worried about the hunger thing- I don’t even know what to make of that.”
DUCK “Quack”
Audience laughs hysterically
AUDIENCE MEMBER: “Yeah, Admiral- you tell 'em!”
OLD MAN “What? He didn’t say- wait… Kiddo- are you doing this?”
DUCK “Quack”
Audience laughs hysterically
OLD MAN “Kiddo?”
GIRL “Sorry- I’ll stop. Can we go get some fetal tissue and a cloning lab?”
OLD MAN “Uh- how about ice cream?”
GIRL “No, I said what I want.”
DUCK “Quack”
Audience laughs hysterically