cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/837122
I’m a man and so far this has happened only with other men, but I’m genuinely baffled as to why some people do this. It has happened thrice so far in 3 different work settings:
One was a fifty-ish coworker who, 3 minutes after knowing me started a monologue/rant: ‘I’m very Christian, there are too many migrants and refugees in this country, when their wars are over, we have to send them all back’. Kept repeating the ‘very Christian’ part quite often and talking about his conservative wife. I sat there, not knowing how to react until he said ‘but let’s not talk about politics’. We parted ways. I didn’t work with him after that.
Another one is even better: no more than 4 minutes after knowing him on our first shift together: ‘democrats and unions are useless (this was working in an unionized hospital where the union got us a raise, including his), there are too many Arabs in America, if Biden keeps letting migrants in, there’s going to be another civil war, when Trump wins everything is going to be better, you’re lucky to be only part Mexican, because you don’t look too dark. When I was younger I was a right wing extremist, but not anymore and I’m not racist, because I’m married to a Croat.’
Speechless as well. How do I react to that?
The third one was not so unhinged, but opened his wallet to show me pictures of his service in the navy and then started to talk about his health issues. 20 minutes in our first shift together.
Why do some men do this?
Is this a way to test the waters to see how ideologically similar we are? Not everyone is going to think like you. Why alienate coworkers?
I’d never talk about my health issues with a person I barely know. You put yourself in a position to be exploited.
Do only older white conservative men do this?
A lot of men are desperate to connect with other people and for validation.
Older people in general do it. It just happens to be that older people are generally more conservative.
I think the reason may be two-fold.
The first part, in the eyes of most older people, a man is not supposed to be emotional or give into their more “feminine” feelings. This means they don’t want their wives or children to be the ones that hear the things that concern them or probably scare them, deep down. Most of the stances of conservatives seem rooted in fear, not reason.
The second part is that you are another man, a younger man, and because they don’t know you well you are less risky to tell these things to. They can confide their fears in you because you are a young man, with a life ahead of you and you’ll give them an ear even if you don’t intend to. Really they are probably hoping someone will hear them even if they can’t really pour their hearts out.
I’ve noticed this too. Always guys 10-20 olders than me that are right-leaning in their political views (though not always white; plenty of black and Hispanic conservatives here too). My guess is because they are just lonely and lost because 9 times outta 10, they’re the oldest dudes on the job and everyone my age and younger does not share their ideals or hobbies.
How do I react to that?
Say nothing.
Make a half step backwards. Stand still.
Look hard at them, slowly from top to bottom and back upwards, two times.I’ve had women do this to me with their crazy, fucked up life and issues. The last one I remember was a coworker that I was standing in line with at a food truck. She just started talking about the mountain of medications she had and the health conditions that went with it. I don’t remember specifically what prompted it but it was completely unrelated and she intentionally steered the conversation to the subject. I was just like “uh huh” and as soon as I got my food I GTFO and avoided her until she got fired. I vaguely remember she had the biggest fucking melt down I’ve ever seen when they fired her. People heard her crying and wailing through the conference room door.
A little racism, a little confirmation bias, and here you’re wondering something about old wipepo.
Do only older white conservative men do this?
No. An older Hispanic man almost did it to me. He stopped himself, though, thankfully.
Hmm. I’d say people want recognition or socialize. The right wing stuff is testing the waters. The rest wanting to talk. Especially when it’s about health, relationships… Those people just want to talk. With most people you can react accordingly and they’re able to tell from your reaction if you also want to chat and socialize.
With the immigrants stuff I found you can tell some people your experience and opinion is different. And that’ll pretty much end that conversation. With some people that doesn’t work at all and have the opposite effect.
Tell him: “I’m voting for Trump because he will deport all the banana republics, like Croatia. Best time for you to find an American wife.”
Say: “It’s great to meet another true Christian like myself. How much do you tithe to the church? I give 25% weekly. In the Bible, Jesus says to test him on the returns of tithing.”
Some very Christian guy kept telling me how he tithes and theta the Bible says God will pay back 10 fold. And that supposedly that’s the only rule in the Bible Jesus says for people to test the Lord on.
