I actually liked the title ‘gofer’. When I applied I thought it meant something about digging and I was looking for something physical to help keep me stay fit- but apparently it’s just about ‘going for’ stuff. Even so- being a ‘gofer’ can be pretty gratifying. People trust to you to get-it-done, and it feels good when people rely on you.

But in all candor- it feels somewhat less good when faeries, babadooks, baba yagas, and elemental spirits rely on you. Not saying they’re not ‘people’… but when you’ve quite literally and spiritually had your soul pulled out of your anus by HR over a client’s complaint- you develop some biases towards non-mortal beings.

They hired me because I knew what they were, not despite it. The interview was a disaster- I was a little hung-over and I knew I was bombing so I just gave up and said “Dude, your tail-fur is caked with unicorn blood… just inject your venom into my kidneys and get it over with.”

He dropped his illusion and hired me on the spot. I’d never seen a Djinn smile before, but he walked me straight to HR and introduced me as “the new gofer seer”. He did say something vaguely concerning about the fate of the last gofer seer, but I was just happy to have a job offer.

I’d dealt with these types since I was little. I’ve watched apparitions disembowel one another on episodes of sesame street- it’s everywhere if you have the sight. So hearing a client threaten to devour my ancestors reproductive organs over a boilerplate soul exchange contract doesn’t even rock my boat.

The thing that really pisses me off though? Anti-maskers… and I’m not talking about C19- actually, that too- but if you think some entitled Karen wailing about their freedom to spew viruses on mortal strangers is bad- try explaining to a 7000 year old demon-lord that they’re not allowed in the moral-realm without a freshly peeled human face-skin covering their soul-cursing countenance.

They gave me a medusa-head to use for emergencies, but I hate even taking that thing out of the case and I’m pretty sure it only works on Greek heroes so usually I just rely on my wit and that talisman that makes me look like whatever supernatural monsters fear most- which is usually just another supernatural monster from the accounting department.