First born nipper of seven weeks is well for which I count my blessings. Fresh challenges for daddy though: I don’t have the emotional and physical comfort from my girlfriend that I had become accustomed to. Obviously, she is looking after a baby for everything she’s worth, with me right behind her. We’re breastfeeding. Circumstances conspired for me to get away for a night out a week ago - for the first time - with my best friend and it was wonderful. I was a lot less stressed afterwards and had a lot more to give the next day. But it also reminded me of the time before we had our baby; fun, sex, freedom, all that jazz. We managed to have some rushed sexy time a few weeks ago (thanks grandpa), a couple of brief cuddles and a couple of limited heart-to-heart chats but really I feel like I’m basically just a cook, potwash, caretaker and babysitter. Whilst being hyper-focussed our baby, she also tries her best not to overload me, which I’m grateful for. But I’m not getting much love, care, understanding or respect from anywhere at the moment. Nice moments with my daughter just about keeps me in the game tbh. Do any of you recongnise this? Can you offer any light at the end of the tunnel, recommend what to do? I’m feeling very strapped in. Thanks
Yep, I recognize some of what you are experiencing. You now have a new dimension to your relationship that you have to adjust to. 7 weeks is very new and things will change rapidly over the first 18 months. Things will get better. Schedules change . Babies eventually sleep through the night, take longer naps, etc. It might sound hokey, but consider scheduling whatever you are missing (sex, cuddles, heart to hearts) so she knows what you are thinking about and what you need. This works for us and it leads to less hurt feelings if I say “feel like sex tonight?”. Even if she says “not tonight” then I know and don’t get my feelings hurt later when I get shot down trying to initiate with no warning.
Is she pumping too or just only on the boob? If she’s pumping then offer to bottle feed the midnight session so she can get some good unbroken rest. This was a game changer for us once we figured it out. Sleeping 5+ hours sleep is much different than getting woken up over and over.