If you’ve been doing personal research, relating heavily to it, and questioning this ad nauseam, the odds are in favor of some level of neurodivergence. What you want to do with that information is up to you, though. I personally think one of the best things you can do at this point is to speak with autistic people and learn about their own experiences and difficulties. Maybe with more perspective the next step will become apparent to you. If this is something you want to have a deeper conversation about, you can DM me any time. If you’re not comfortable with doing so there are plenty of autism-centered communities floating around that should be more than willing to answer questions and provide their own accounts.