Get into the damn think tank!
The difference between people who just talk and the people who do.
Since this is giving me Don Beveridge vibes (R.I.P), I remember when RedLetterMedia’s Best of the Worst Black Spine edition had his customization seminar on their first episode.
They were laughing and thinking he was some kind of lunatic conman for all of the supposedly nonsense things he was spouting about pushing whopper buttons and deficiencies of PK and a bunch of other stuff, and I’m just sitting back thinking “nope…I understand every word he’s saying.” Because not only do I have to live currently in an environment where my upper managers emails are filled with such nonsense, but my first job was AT Burger King when I was 16 in 1992 and guess what…
THEY HAD A LITERAL WHOPPER BUTTON!
It was used by management to tell the staff when to keep more burgers in the warming tray and when to lower the supply based on customer traffic. They implemented it because…“75% of the time the Whopper was being served cold”
“Push the Whopper Button” is shorthand for being efficient with when and where you’re spending your resources so that your not wasting them where you don’t have to and not having them available when you do.
“Deficiency of PK”
HIT THE WHOPPER BUTTON!
Weaponized language
“challenges and opportunities”
“go-dos”
“non-negotiable”
Honorable mentions: “source of truth” and “sanity check”.
Ok but hear me out.
We acquired 20 new logos this month!
I worked with a government IT department that focused on renaming itself at least 7 times.in 2 years, with new mission, vision, logo, etc. each name was something like “end users experience department” or some shit liek that.
“Net new logos” was an actual term used in the company I previously worked for.
“Actionable insights” is the opposite of these corpo buzzwords.
It’s a phrase I use to shut down clients when they ask for something that doesn’t have value. Also know as interesting but not actionable. I prioritize my time on finding actionable insights. Data that can drive decisions.
Check out Wierd Al’s Mission Statement for a primer
George Carlin also has a bit of just corporate jargon stapled together to make a short little speech.
Sweet
For some unknown reason the phrase “thought leader” drives me crazy.
Are you a Theoretical Physicist?
I have a theoretical degree in physics.
How do you feel about “Leading thought leader”? 🤮
Thoughtful leading thought leader.
My least favourite was my company motto of “Personal, Simple, Brilliant.” It was supposed to be an ethos that ran through the whole company. It was actually just what management expected front line workers to be towards customers, regardless of whether the business leaders were making decisions to screw over the customer and the front line staff or not.
The amount of times I asked for support only to be shot down and laughed at when I told them “Well, that doesn’t sound very personal, simple or brilliant to me.” when speaking of their management culture.
I cannot tell you how many bosses Ive had/ heard say they are going to have a moment of “radical kindness” and then proceed to just RIP into their employees until they cry.
Corporate double speak is wack.
I’m picking up a scent of conservative-flavored grindset thinking, where since adversity and pain build character and resilience, I’m pretty much the best person I can be by being a complete piece of shit to those around me.
This sounds quite specific for something you had to experience multiple times. Hope the people are ok and you found something better to work for.
idk, I know that there are great companies to work for- my sister found a unicorn of a job. Great pay (and hourly), tons of vacation, work from home, a decent amount of travel but not too much (she’s in sales for a scientific instrument company), but I have job hopped enough to know that what she has is now becoming the exception. And of course to your point, this is all anecdotal. I’m now self employed and I’ve never been busier nor happier.
Agile and synergize aligned itself into this chat.
look at this guy being proactive
It’s a totally outrageous paradigm.
It’s interoperable, baby. It’s how we get to “done” by energising ourselves, being more agile, adapting to new models, and advocating on behalf of–
Okay, I can’t do anymore I’m repulsed.
I hate you for writing that. I hate that those words are present in my daily work life. Fuck corporate language.
Let’s table that for a second and circle back to it. Help me understand why you hate me for writing that. What can I do to help? Consider that our goal is to maximise our efficiency by staying in our lanes, escalating where required, and providing all necessary language to our partners for transparency’s sake.
LOL I’m really sorry to do that to you bud but it’s fun to laugh at the way we have to talk in corporate world
No worries, it’s all in good fun :)
what are “new verticals”? do i even want to know?
They are opportunities for increasing shareholder value through innovative and disruptive market-leading practices.
Depending on the context of the business, it could also mean exploring new product categories, like a bicycle maker deciding to get into the skateboard market because it happens to be popular. Or in the context of an online news website, a “vertical” is whether you are writing about tech, or health, or pop culture, etc…
When I wrote for MUO (very briefly) I was assigned to the creative software “vertical”; writing articles about video editing software, updates to different paint/art programs, etc…
This is the correct answer, but I wanted to be silly.
Also, it makes sense that an ellipsis as a single character exists, but I’ve never seen it before. It’s blowing my mind.
🤢🤮
I mean not necessarily, they could just be ways to expand profit centers by increasing pipeline opportunities through net new MQLs
Verticals are industries. I.e, “services” or “wholesale” are verticals.
