• roux [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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    1 month ago

    We survived the scout camping trip and we both actually seemed to have a lot of fun. I learned real quick that I want a mat for my sleeping bad for next time. Sleeping on the ground is not fun when you are 41. I didn’t quite fill out my bingo card but:

    1. First thing thing Saturday morning, I tried making small talk and some guy said Disney+ was nothing but “leftwing content” now, (which is the terminally offline way of saying “woke”.
    2. Someone I shall refer to as Uncle Grandpa(he was an actual grandpa to a few kids but was very much that uncle stereotype) told the same story about getting lost going to the camp site like 4 times in 15 minutes, even though it’s a straight drive. I can’t dog him too much on that since I’m not great with directions though. He also commented on my protein bar and said that he’s diabetic, like 3 times.
    3. Uncle Grandpa blamed the uptick of ADHD diagnoses on “all the sugar theses kids are eating” and called it “that attention disorder whatever they are calling it now”.
    4. Uncle Grandpa has a naked lady tattoo on his leg and was around a bunch of K through 5th graders.
    5. Uncle Grandpa decided to give his unsolicited opinions on pedophilia, in the middle of a 3 mile hike, unprovoked. This is one of the things that really bugged me the most since I know he wasn’t meaning to be crass about it but it was uncalled for around a bunch of kids.
    6. When we went on the hike, we split into 2 groups, K-2nd grade and then the older kids. The older kid group went on a harder hiking path and got lost/stranded but could see camp. They were stuck on top of a mesa. We sent a couple of the leaders to rescue them, they got stuck, located them but couldn’t get to them. We got a hold of the ranger who went and rescued both parties and they all made it back safely at 7:30 last night. No one was hurt, and they were all in good spirits.
    7. Where we were camped, there was red dirt literally everywhere and all the kids played in it, got it everywhere else and it’s a never ending torrent of this fine red dirt. I wiped my kid down 4 times before finally giving up. Currently washing all of our clothes.
    8. 2 people talked about how bad diet soda was while cramming their face full of mini chocolate cupcakes.
    9. My son’s school friend was there and I think he got bit by something, because he was sobbing in pain and his face looked swollen from an allergic reaction. His parents marked it up as him probably faking it.
    10. My kid cut his finger and with how he was reacting, I thought he broke his arm or something. We bandaged it up but after an hour, he was fine. It was a cut from a blade of grass similar to a paper cut so it def probably hurt.
    11. Throughout the day there was some casual misogyny/misandry jokes but it was all in fun and I expected it somewhat since this group is a lot of religious conservative parents. Nothing was meant in malice but I think it’s a reflection on how far left I’ve come when I am put off by that sort of thing.
    12. I was doing great masking until I met Carlos and we talked about my web dev project and he works for a small ISP in town so he knows some tech stuff. He said it sounds like I know more about networking than some of the people he works with(lol…). I gave my business card to him and the scout master because they had said they know people that might want/need a website.
    13. “Why aren’t you eating the tacos.” “I don’t eat meat.” and then hilarity(not really) ensued. A kid did say vegans sound annoying and that made me laugh.

    At the end, I actually had fun. I sort of just tried my best to mask and dissociated occasionally. I did roll my eyes when they all were laughing at Israel’s pager/walkie talkie terrorist attacks, praising them for their overt fascism, etc etc.

    • RedWizard [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netOPM
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      1 month ago

      Uncle Grandpa sounds like a hoot. I’d love to tell him I got my ADHD diagnosis at 28 because the school systems and my parents thought I was just a lazy shithead. Just to see how that conversation unfolds.

      • Hexboare [they/them]@hexbear.net
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        1 month ago

        Sounds like the classic old man “back in my day… [proceeds to detail a life story that convinces you this guy probably has ADHD/other subject of conversation]”

        • roux [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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          1 month ago

          I really couldn’t detect any potential undiagnosed ASD but I could see maybe heavily masked inattentive ADHD. I mostly can only pick up on signs for stuff I have experience with. Maybe there is something else there. But heavily masked ADHD might account for how he had have a witty comment for everything. If I had to guess he was late gen X so there is a big possibility there. He did also go on a unprovoked rant about how “everything is bad for us” after vaping in front of the kids when nicotine/alcohol/other is not permitted around the them. He was like “as long as I got my nicotine I’m good to go” referring to the hike, and holding the vape pen up like it was some ambrosia. The main scout leader told him to put it away, then he proceeded to say how even oxygen is harmful to us. Peak entertainment from a nihilistic, jaded perspective.

        • roux [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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          1 month ago

          Ngl, the sugar narrative grinds my gears. I have ASD but my wife and oldest have ADHD and we are are all suffering. Blaming it on too much sugar or vaccines is fucking bullshit. She has inattentive ADHD too and yeah no, it’s definitly not related to sugar. “Oh, you don’t have the energy to take a shower or fold laundry all last week? Must be all those Hershey Kisses and soda.” She does have a sweet tooth though lol.

          • arbitrary@lemmygrad.ml
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            1 month ago

            It makes no sense at all. Though I have read there’s some evidence red dye can make symptoms worse? I don’t recall it being particularly damning but enough that I was having our toddler avoid it because we suspect she might have ADHD.

            • roux [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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              1 month ago

              I’ve heard the red dye claims from the same people that claim random other foodstuff causes hyperactivity or learning disabilities so until I see concrete evidence, I’m gonna ignore it but I guess keep it in mind. Anecdotally, I got my kid a Big Red soda for the ride home this morning and he’s done really well today and hasn’t spun in our spinny chair incessantly today like he usually does.

              • arbitrary@lemmygrad.ml
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                1 month ago

                Yeah that’s totally fair. It’s not something I make a big deal of, more just trying not to buy it when I can help it. I’ve found myself erring on the side of caution more after having kids.

                I haven’t had a big red in ages! Should just be Big Red 40 I guess, ha. You’d think if it did make the ADHD worse it’d be a strong effect so maybe that’s why the evidence is mixed.

      • roux [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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        1 month ago

        Tbh, I grew up around people like him so I got “used” to it. And honestly, he seemed like he means well and he did genuinely help out a ton. He just had that uncle vibe, ya know? It did offend me a bit because I know at least 2 kids there have ADHD, one being my own, and one younger one that was autistic(overheard his mom talking about it because they are having issues with the school system over it). I’m guessing there is maybe 6 more at least that are little undiagnosed NDers.I did mention my autism to a few people but definitely tried to keep it on the downlow.

    • arbitrary@lemmygrad.ml
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      1 month ago

      Glad you had a good time, definitely could’ve gone way worse it sounds like! Sorry I haven’t replied to your other comment from the other week, just haven’t had the energy yet.

      • roux [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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        1 month ago

        Sorry I haven’t replied to your other comment from the other week, just haven’t had the energy yet.

        Hey, don’t worry about it. Things get busy and we only have so many spoons lol.

        • arbitrary@lemmygrad.ml
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          1 month ago

          Can’t get it to send on the original reply so I’ll try to send it here:

          Kudos to you for making it work with your partner! Hopefully they come around eventually.

          That’s really good for Texas. I lived in San Antonio for 5 years so that blows my mind you have that many options. I left almost a decade ago now though so maybe the scene has changed.

          • roux [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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            1 month ago

            I donno if she or the kids will care enough to come over to the V side any time soon but I’m also not sugar-coating(back to sugar lol) things with them when it comes to why I chose to go the vegan route.

            It’s funny because I rolled into Texas shortly before it sounds like you were rolling out and there wasn’t any real vegan options that I am aware of but I wasn’t vegan yet so wasn’t actively seeking places out. But also I’ve heard that San Antonio is completely different from even the big cities in the panhandle. I’m getting to know the girls that run the vegan food truck and I’ve realized that it’s probably almost a fluke that they ended up here. They are essentially anarchist travelers but their but broke down and they ended up in my city, helping out with our local Food Not Bombs. Eventually they decided to just try the food truck thing. But talking to them, they’ve both worked every shit job you can think of and don’t make a lot of money doing this. So it’s a bittersweet thing really.

            • arbitrary@lemmygrad.ml
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              1 month ago

              Never spent much time in the panhandle, only drove through part of it when driving to Albuquerque a few times a year. San Antonio at least wasn’t as chuddy as the more rural areas but it wasn’t far off. I lived in Kerrville and boerne for a bit before moving into San Antonio and that sucked.

              That’s definitely bittersweet but pretty cool of them too. Not to romanticize it since I know it’s not all fun but I do kind of envy people who are able to not be tied down to one place. Never thought I’d have kids and be living suburban dad life but I’m making the best of it and trying to be a good dad, hopefully succeeding so far. I’d definitely welcome an anarchist vegan food truck in town though

              • roux [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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                1 month ago

                I do kind of envy people who are able to not be tied down to one place.

                For real lol. I sometimes day dream about me owning a van or something that is outfitted for living in and just going off by myself. I love my family though and am glad I went this route instead.

  • goose [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    1 month ago

    Our ten-year-old is nervous about identifying as “therian” and “otherkin” (these are Dad-is-confused quotes, not scare quotes). She’s acting like a dragon, putting shiny things in a hoard, making a nest in her bed, occasionally growling instead of communicating actual important things. I’ve listened and been supportive (I hope), but I need to talk with her more about it at length once I do some research (which she has suggested).

    She gets these concepts from Scratch (ostensibly a coding platform, actually a BBS for tweens) and her very online friends. I don’t yet know how to approach it in a supportive way, but mostly I’m just upset that what should be a time in a kid’s life where they’re following their own imaginations, interests, and emotions to wherever wild place they may lead has turned into a time where you feel like you have to shoehorn yourself into This Strictly Defined Identity right this instant or else you’re a person without a clique. And it’s not the old prep/nerd/jock/goth/etc dynamic, it’s gotta be something deep-seated that will feel like a betrayal if you ever give it up.

    Like, the only thing she’s really told me about this is that “some people call themselves therians and say they choose to be therian, but those aren’t real therians”. Gah! I want her to just experience being and exploring for a while without labeling and gatekeeping.

    • arbitrary@lemmygrad.ml
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      1 month ago

      Probably not helpful in this specific case but I identified as otherkin about 20 years ago as a young teenager. For me it was escapism from a hostile home environment but I did get over it after about a year. My friends eventually (correctly and mostly lovingly) mocked me for it.

      • goose [he/him]@hexbear.net
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        1 month ago

        That’s helpful and reassuring, and I appreciate you sharing it! I hope that it was helpful to you at that point in your life.

        • arbitrary@lemmygrad.ml
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          1 month ago

          Honestly I’m not sure but I don’t think it was particularly detrimental either. I’m glad that it reassured you! I was already pretty grounded in scientific thinking/materialism without knowing that’s what it was explicitly so I eventually just accepted it wasn’t real.

  • arbitrary@lemmygrad.ml
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    1 month ago

    Toddler started preschool and is thriving and she’s basically potty trained at this point. We really lucked out, it’s 3 minutes away with an amazing teacher. She’s only going twice a week because it’s still expensive as hell even if it’s cheap for the area.

    It was her birthday yesterday and we took her to an animal sanctuary in the morning, Pasado’s. Place was incredible, very clean and well run. She got to interact with tons of animals and just had a blast. We’ll definitely go back, way better than the zoo esp since we’re all vegan.

    Currently my in-laws are visiting and I could write forever about them. They caused a scene yesterday evening after presents were done being opened and left back to their Airbnb in a huff. Wife has clearly communicated they need to apologize or they aren’t welcome anymore (lots of backstory including physical abuse).

    Her mom is trying to pretend nothing happened and her dad won’t even look at her, par for the course, but we’re about to force the convo after my wife finishes napping so we’ll see how that goes. I won’t be the least bit upset if I never see them again, if they were my parents they wouldn’t even be in my life.

  • Seasonal_Peace [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    1 month ago

    In about a year, my son will be starting school, and the decision about where to send him is stressing me out. We’ve already ruled out the nearest school—it looks more like a modern prison than a place for children. The building is completely gray, with bare concrete walls inside, huge windows everywhere, and the classroom setup seems geared towards old-fashioned, frontal teaching. Even though the neighbors seem happy with it, I just can’t imagine my son spending his days there for years.

    On the other hand, there’s a newer school about a 15-minute walk away that opened three years ago. It looks much greener and more inviting. They also offer mixed-age classes, which I attended when I was younger and loved—no endless hours of boring, traditional teaching. I’m really hoping this school is as great as I think it is. I plan to visit in a month to see it firsthand, but I’m still not completely sure if it will be the right fit for him.

    • Kestrel [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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      1 month ago

      The home we moved to is about a 12-15 minute walk from the elementary school and was a huge selling point for me. My kid walks with my partner 5 days a week and even though the school may not be the best, I can tell they are both very happy with that little ritual. Good luck with your effort.

      • Seasonal_Peace [he/him]@hexbear.net
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        1 month ago

        Most parents Here are too car-dependent. I only know two who walk their kids to school. One parent, in particular, drives even though the school is just a 10-minute walk away, then drives to work, which is only one subway stop away—a trip that would take just 15 minutes without the car. Ironically, they say that once their kids are older, they’ll let them walk to school, but you know they’ll still keep using the car for themselves.

    • BashfulBob [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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      1 month ago

      my son will be starting school, and the decision about where to send him is stressing me out. We’ve already ruled out the nearest school—it looks more like a modern prison than a place for children. The building is completely gray, with bare concrete walls inside, huge windows everywhere, and the classroom setup seems geared towards old-fashioned, frontal teaching. Even though the neighbors seem happy with it, I just can’t imagine my son spending his days there for years.

      Feel you. I’m in Texas and with the way the local system has been deliberately degraded, I’m genuinely torn about what to do with my kid when he’s school age.

      Other than throwing my checkbook at the problem, there doesn’t seem like a lot of good options.

      On the other hand, there’s a newer school about a 15-minute walk away that opened three years ago. It looks much greener and more inviting. They also offer mixed-age classes, which I attended when I was younger and loved—no endless hours of boring, traditional teaching.

      Sounds fantastic. Hope it holds up.

  • Kestrel [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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    1 month ago

    Love being in the burbs with a tiny yard and parks only in driving distance. My kids are going insane when I can’t get them out of the home. At least the drive is short when I can take them. I may need to take up that neighbor on her offer to let them swim at her pool…

  • tombruzzo [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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    1 month ago

    One of my boys pulled a chest of draws onto himself the other day. Fortunately he was fine but things could have been worse.

    So this is your reminder to anchor your furniture if you haven’t yet

    • RedWizard [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netOPM
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      1 month ago

      That is scary. We have some cheep ikea stuff and made sure to anchor it. I think we watched a video about IKEA getting sued for killing kids with their furniture, which is the only reason they include anchors at all. So it was in my head when we were buying the stuff.

      • tombruzzo [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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        1 month ago

        My parents say it was never a problem when I was a kid, and I think the cheap furniture IKEA popularised is to blame. Furniture used to be much more expensive, but it was sturdy and was less likely to tip

        • RedWizard [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netOPM
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          1 month ago

          Yeah turns out of you make something tall and out of plywood so I’d weighs nothing, they’re a massive tipping hazard. Make the same thing but it weights like 100lbs it’s going to be way less likely to tip.

  • RedWizard [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netOPM
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    1 month ago

    OK I need some advice. I got a notification for a earlier time too see my new GP, it’s tomorrow in the afternoon. However, I have a follow-up with my current GP for that morning. I don’t like my current GP…

    I could go to both or cancel the early appointment and just go to the new GP.

    The new GP thinks they’re just doing an intake though.

    The old GP might want to do blood work if I had to guess.

    I also need to have my medical records faxed over to the new GP which I haven’t done yet.

    I’m leaning towards going to both and telling the front desk at the old GP to fax my records over to the new GP and cancel my future appointments on my way out. I’d get two opinions they way I think.

    Thoughts?

    • arbitrary@lemmygrad.ml
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      1 month ago

      From what I remember you writing about them trying to rule out Lyme disease and possibly other bacterial infections I’d definitely take the second opinion on the way out, cover bases as quickly as you can

  • tombruzzo [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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    1 month ago

    The unit price of Sudocrem between sized is insane. We should test the manufacturers of sudocrem the same way we will the makers of baby formula when the revolution comes

  • Melonius [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    1 month ago

    Kids been really in to writing letters. He’ll write down pcototlplopopo and ask me “what’s that spell” and i’ll pronounce it as best I can. He’ll crack up with this incredible laugh.

  • mathemachristian [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    1 month ago

    Little one’s go to adjective to describe different objects of the same type is big/small. Which is really fun typically to talk about different body parts being big or small with absolutely zero shame, or regard to reality really. Everything he and mom has is small everything I have big. My nose big, his and moms nose small. My belly big, his and moms small, although my wife is fat and I’m skinny lol. My butt’s big, etc. Doubly funny because the german word is groß, and he says groo-groo a bit like “Wooah-wooooah!”.

    Unfortunately he started identifying penises and now talks about how he has a small penis and I have grooo-grooooo! penis, which is hilarious yes, but I worry that if he points out his penis in kindergarden the teacher might say “yes, just like your dad” and he might reply with “Papa! Groah! Groooaaah!”