I’ve been working at a soul-sucking job that I have to drive 2 hours a day and I don’t like for 1.5 years. I do alright. I was a teacher and I want to get back into teaching because it’s more purposeful and fulfilling.
My wife found out about a year ago that her father was in fact not her biological father. A few months later he died. This caused her trauma. My wife is a teacher as well, and she said she wanted to take a year off and go to therapy. I was not a fan of the idea, because we need 2 incomes to feed our 2 kids and fund her spending habits, but I agreed as long as we cut our spending and she focused on getting better. We inherited some money from her father and moved into his house and sold our old one for some money as well. I’m talking to a fiduciary to invest this money so it doesn’t get spent and we have money for the future.
Last week I was offered a teaching a position. I was frustrated by the fact that I had to decline it, because we cannot afford the pay cut. If I don’t get back in to it this year, my certification will lapse and I will have a hard time renewing it. I was devastated and explained to her my frustrations. I told her that taking a year off is not the norm, and that she hasn’t been working on herself, she’s been spending more money, adding to her hoard, and avoiding any sort of physical or emotional hardship. I told her that I gave up something that I wanted (and she wanted for me) so she could continue not working.
Next month she is flying from the midwest to Vancouver to see Taylor Swift with my oldest daughter. I told her today that it frustrates me that she is going through with it. I understand that she had a tough time and that this is a cool thing for them, but I wanted her to understand that it frustrates me that she gets to do this while I’m cutting back on things and declining a job I wanted. I told her to CONSIDER flipping the tickets for a profit of a few grand. She responded that it feels like I’m trying to ruin her good time with guilt and that she really is working on herself, but it’s all internal, so I can’t see it.
I just feels unfair and if I pressure her not to go, I’m going to be made into the bad guy. I’m in between a shit and a turd place.
I’m here for your story, don’t apologize. Misery loves company. I grew up in a household where I was told my feelings were wrong. I was always defending my self and apologizing for telling people how I felt. I don’t do that anymore. I’m willing to hear arguments, but I NEVER let anyone invalidate my emotions anymore. I may be wrong, but the way I feel is not wrong. I feel that way for a reason.
I hope something in that word salad helps.
It doesn’t come across through the frustration, but I love my wife very much. And if this is just how life is, I accept it. And I’m no fucking paragon of wise living, either. I’m just as hard to deal with as she is. I wouldn’t want to do this thing without her, but fuck if I know how to do it with her either, you know? Without her and the kids, I think I would only eat, sleep, work, and stare at pointless things. Maybe I need someone to tell me to get out of the fucking house and go to Barbados or wherever we’re going.
Good luck, man. I’m glad you’re in therapy. And just because I disagree with him… well he knows you and your situation a hell of a lot better than I do.
Thanks, brother.