I have anger issues, which I can’t control. I am considered conventionally attractive (though I don’t see it) and many people think I’m cool and want to be around me.
Like I said, though, I have anger issues where I will act quite aggressively towards people. One time, someone I knew said hi to me, so I screamed “I HEARD YOU”. I also tend to type very dryly and with periods when I’m upset (which is admittedly ~90% of the time but I can’t control that).
My friend doesn’t talk to me as much and I really don’t get why because even when I’m “aggressive”, it’s tough love and I’m trying to help them. If I didn’t love her, I wouldn’t be like that.
I’m even like this with guys I’ve dated and I love them not as brothers.
Women also piss me off more than men do, so I hang out more with them because I feel like they get me and aren’t as bitchy. (Part of the reason why I’m bi curious but never found a woman I’d date, excluding one I almost went out with).
While I do tend to praise men and ignore women, as some people say, it’s tough love since I think women should be the best versions of themselves :) [I believe this is why society is so hard on women as a whole]
But yeah, TLDR; My mood problems impact the people I care about, and I’m wondering if it’s a turn off since some people don’t want to be around me rather than loving me for me.
I have a reason for my actions, people just choose to ignore those reasons and misinterpret me.
That’s called being a sociopath, more recently, Anti Social Personality Disorder.
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/sociopath#sociopath-vs-psychopath
Your sense of morality revolves only around whatever has a beneficial or detrimental effect on yourself, you seem to genuienly have nearly no innate concept of how socializing works.
As far as I know, there’s no way you can … ‘fix’ sociopathy, just as with myself there’s no way I can ‘fix’ being autistic.
But… that doesn’t mean you can’t learn your own coping skills, learn the general rules of acceptable behavior, learn how a ‘normal’ or neurotypical mind generally works, and how that differs from how your own mind works.
I actually had a friend who was a diagnosed sociopath.
No innate ability to reflexively emphasize with others.
But he did the work.
He went to therapists and counselors, he learned to stop and ask people how his actions made them feel, he learned what generally is and is not socially acceptable, he learned how to be a more pleasant person to be around, how humble himself and own responsibility for his actions and the things he’d say to other people.
He didn’t want to harm people, and you may not either.
But he had to put in significantly more work than the average person to do so, and you likely will as well, if you do actually want to be able to have functional relationships with other people.