Every single house built since 2000 in the US and Canada is some sort of Cryptid created with luxury-looking interiors made of materials that necessitate a ridiculous supply chain dripping with blood and environmental destruction, while simultaneously being constructed in such a manner as to fall over at any random moment. All building codes must be just slightly ignored, and the fit and finish must be just slightly worse than a landlord renoviction special.
This house brought to you by such classics as:
“Why is half of the house on one circuit breaker, just the dishwasher on the other, and the rest of the house is unaffected by any of the other 5 breakers that seem to do absolutely nothing?”
16 gauge wire in the walls
“Why are my walls bleeding this weird brown goo after 6 months?”
No GFCIs in any of the bathrooms or the kitchen
The room that is always at least 5 degrees colder or hotter than every other room, no matter how many fans you use or windows you open
Now with new hits like:
Discovering that your “granite” countertops get dents in them if you leave anything on top of them overnight
“What the fuck is that noise?”
Popcorn ceilings that very much do not hide the lumps and gaps in the drywalling
The Mystery Light Switch that somehow makes your wifi slow down but doesn’t control any other appliance, light, or outlet
The guest bathroom toilet that gurgles every night at exactly 3:22 AM and constantly smells like sewer gas, and none of the 7 plumbers you’ve called can figure out why
Every single house built since 2000 in the US and Canada is some sort of Cryptid created with luxury-looking interiors made of materials that necessitate a ridiculous supply chain dripping with blood and environmental destruction, while simultaneously being constructed in such a manner as to fall over at any random moment. All building codes must be just slightly ignored, and the fit and finish must be just slightly worse than a landlord renoviction special.
This house brought to you by such classics as:
“Why is half of the house on one circuit breaker, just the dishwasher on the other, and the rest of the house is unaffected by any of the other 5 breakers that seem to do absolutely nothing?”
16 gauge wire in the walls
“Why are my walls bleeding this weird brown goo after 6 months?”
No GFCIs in any of the bathrooms or the kitchen
The room that is always at least 5 degrees colder or hotter than every other room, no matter how many fans you use or windows you open
Now with new hits like:
Discovering that your “granite” countertops get dents in them if you leave anything on top of them overnight
“What the fuck is that noise?”
Popcorn ceilings that very much do not hide the lumps and gaps in the drywalling
The Mystery Light Switch that somehow makes your wifi slow down but doesn’t control any other appliance, light, or outlet
The guest bathroom toilet that gurgles every night at exactly 3:22 AM and constantly smells like sewer gas, and none of the 7 plumbers you’ve called can figure out why