Isn’t the entire point of the profile and matching system to filter incompatible people out? Why can I match with 50 people and not a single one wants to get a coffee or something after exchanging a few pleasantries? Everybody hates these things and yet they refuse to do anything IRL to get off them. Is there some Manchurian candidate activation codeword that I’m missing? I feel like everyone treats this shit solely as an ego booster and actually gets pissed off that anyone tries to interact with them. How do you meet people in hellworld if you don’t drink?
Me after dozens of dead-end back-and-forths that lead to nowhere despite having shared interests and presumably being attracted to each other since we matched: 
Hmm, maybe it’s the extreme commodification of relationships and atomization under capitalism that prevents you from getting anywhere with this garbage 
Nope, must be because @[email protected] didn’t say my favorite “The Office” quote and send me a playlist with 50 of the greatest songs I’ve never heard that made me instantly fall in love with them. I have no idea what other people expect from these things but I’m not doing labor for someone that I don’t even know is real. Thanks for reading my rant, any advice is appreciated.
Dating apps are good for femme comrades but not so good for male-presenting ones. The sex ratio is something like 9:1 so unless you’re in the top 10%, most people won’t consider you an option. Plus, since it’s all online you can’t use things like personality and charm to make up for the deficit of looks.
What this means practically for male-presenting folks is that you either wait until it naturally occurs in your daily life, a bad idea that relies on luck, or actively seek it out. The problem is that seeking out partners in real life you’re inevitably going to make people uncomfortable, get denied, and fuck some things up. If you’re socially awkward or ND, that means you will most likely end up as the topic of someone’s “creepy guy” story.
My personal advice? Make friends, volunteer, get involved with activities and hope you find someone in your travels. But remember, the vast majority of dating follows a conservative view of humanity. Fair or not, equal or not, if you’re male-presenting you are expected to initiate and prove your worth. Until that changes, a lot of conservative dating advice is still the most effective way to meet women. Obviously drop the dehumanizing bullshit and sexism though.
Tbh I think they’re only good for femme peeps if you’re A) mostly just looking for casual stuff (not to say serious relationships are impossible on the apps, just difficult to find) and B) are willing to sign a deal with the devil where you will absolutely be sexually harassed by a deluge of fucking weirdos. There’s a reason for the gender skew on the apps and I suspect being bombarded by creeps and unsafe people is a huge reason women/femme presenting ppl aren’t on these awful things anymore. Though idk I’m male presenting so I’m relying on speculation here. But I really do think it’s bad for both sides, just in different ways (this is assuming hetero relationships ofc, things change a lot I’d imagine if you’re looking for gay relationships on the apps).
EDIT: realize “deal with the devil” language could sound victim blame-y, to clarify it is 100 percent only the fault of the creepy dudes harassing women and not of the women who are using one of the only available options left to meet people reliably.
Only true if you match with someone who sees dating as a market and not a potential experience to get to know a human. During my time on the apps, I’ve never really initiated and have still found myself in relationships
This is true. In my experience, there are more people who see it as a market than a chance to get to know somebody. I think there is a lot of middle ground as well where people say “I might as well go on a date and see how it goes” but don’t really put the effort in because they know there’s a whole app of people waiting that could potentially offer a better match.
It’s a kind of choice paralysis. I think the apps are designed that way. Obviously their goal is to keep people on the app and either paying subscriptions or viewing ads. They don’t want you to leave.
No matter how interesting and attractive you find someone on there, there’s always the chance that you can do “better”.
Screaming at the screen due to posts like this.
It’s certainly not a conscious decision, granted, but dating and social interactions in general are largely a market. Even if you’re unaware of the unconscious calculations your brain makes, it doesn’t mean they go away. You have to have an interest in someone before you want to get to know them. That interest is largely based off of unconscious social cues. In the same way you don’t make the conscious decision to be angry, you don’t make the conscious decision to have interest in someone.
This seems to run counter to the vast majority of the other male-presenting people on hexbear and in-general. You could be lucky, but I’d wager you’re either more attractive or more adept at navigating social situations than the average person.
I was thinking about that the other day, how it would make more sense within the confines of a binary patriarchal system if women were expected asked men out. This makes sense considering that most men would take most women, while women seem more likely to have “a type” or be offended by advances. This would also decrease predatory behavior. Of course, it’s not like that, because the current way gives men the agency.