I used to think human rights were unconditional, but then someone told me that Palestinians are actually homophobic, so as any rational person capable of critical thinking and nuanced thought would do, I abandoned all of my values and pivoted to support for apartheid.

They made an excellent point, namely that I should support the murder and displacement of homophobes, which is why I propose the following.

Every queer person in North America will come together and form a milita. I’ll assume George Soros will pay for everything. For your first mission, you’ll take over the state of Florida. I have it on good authority from Conservatives that the US military has gone woke, so I expect them to cooperate with you.

To any Floridians reading this, you have 24 hours to leave before you are crushed under the high heels of the Pink Army. You brought this on yourself by voting for Ron Desantis. Do not resist. Bigots deserve bombs. Anyone who is opposed to this is a homophobe who supports Hamas and is literally worse than Hitler.

QUEER PEOPLE HAVE A RIGHT TO DEFEND THEMSELVES!