Or am I just the paragon saint of puppy love?
Seriously though, do y’all have a crush on each of your friends?
One of – if not THE – primary causes for attraction is proximity. If you see someone often, you are much more likely to become attracted to them. Family members and ‘unavailable’ people such as those already married are typically, but not uniformly, excluded.
After that, we tend to be initially attracted to pretty people with symmetrical features, good health, and of a similar social status (we are also attracted to those of higher social rank, but they will tend to self-select themselves to be less frequently proximate as well as rejecting overtures from potential mates of lower status). That still doesn’t matter as much as frequent exposure to someone. Ideally the exposure occurs when you are both in a good mood. Bad moods make for less attraction. We also like people with whom we share common interests, habits, and so on, such that more similar people are more likely to become attracted to one another.
So, yeah, ‘friends’ are generally going to trigger psychological cues of attraction in any group. Most everyone has to deal with such feelings and quash them when appropriate. Some people have a hard time dealing and either pursue when that makes them creepy or they fail to respond when the feeling is mutual.
the primary causes for attraction is proximity
This is what is behind “office hot”. You work with someone 40+ hrs a week who is even average looking and they start to grow on you. You can definitely be attracted to briefly seeing someone too though. I’ve seen woman briefly that have left me flustered for the rest day.
Oh yeah, the above does not negate that spontaneous visual attraction people can experience even on a brief and chance viewing. The link I gave doesn’t talk about that, but if I remember properly, I think statistically if you count everyone you might see in, say, the grocery store, the sort of sighting that leaves you flustered is a very low percentage of everyone seen.
Thought about banging? All of them. Had a crush on? Only the cute ones.
No. I find it possible to be close to people without romanticizing them.
Nope. People I enjoy the company of and people I am physically attracted to don’t overlap 100%. Age, marital status, lifestyle, and more all come into play. Additionally, unless they’re single/non monogamous and actively looking for a romantic relationship, the crush just doesn’t develop because I don’t consider them a possibility.
No, I do think one is hot, but that’s just a sexual thing.
Certainly not everyone. I know the few I’ve had I value greatly though, enough that friendship severity is like a colour spectrum in my mind. We pretty much apply all public expressions of love with one another.
Never in my case. So definitely not true for “everyone”.
Crush ≠ affection. But i feel ya
No, I have zero romantic feelings for any of my friends. I didn’t even realize this was something that happens. I’m in my 30s if it matters.
I’m not sure but I’m curious if there is any difference between men and women. For example would women or men befriend more people they are attracted. Or would men or women simply become attracted to those they are close to.
Well I lived 20 years as a woman and nearly as many as a man, so take that for what it’s worth. I don’t find any of my friends sexually attractive and I have never developed romantic feelings for a friend.
I’ve found that some people fall in love from the outside in, others from the inside out, maybe a mix. You’re probably more “connection leads to attractiveness” oriented (demisexual)
Me too. I’m madly in love with many of my friends, but I don’t make any demands, and I feel complete alone. They know and reciprocate. It’s great when it’s all open, honest, and non-controlling. Platonic love, affection, admiration, and fun - are very satisfying even without sex
Only one so far but it has been so bad that i had to reduce proximity (was not mutual). Friggin brain man, how does it work and why does it not obey my supposed will.
i feel like i used to feel that way but grew out of it as i got older
I haven’t had very many close friends in my life, but I ended up with a crush on all of them.
Casual friends not so much, but occasionally. If I do find my self crushing on a casual friend they usually either end up a much closer friend, or just disappear from my life entirely.
If i have a crush on any of my friends then i just sleep with them. My gf and i are ENM, and we talk about our friend crushes openly. But the truth is, I’ve got more of a desire to have friends who i don’t have any sexual tension with recently. I’ve gotten a bit sad with people wanting more of my attention when i don’t have any left to give. My gf and i meet each other’s needs for physical intimacy pretty well. I mostly just want more masc bros to do bro stuff with.
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I’ve known my best friend for 20.5 years. We’re getting married in March (close to the 21 year mark).
