My wife found out Saturday through an ancestry.com DNA test that her dad is not her actual biological father. Her mother had a supposed one time incident with a man she found on Facebook through the names on the ancestry test. Her parents separated when she was 6. She wasn’t close with her dad over the years, but there was nothing ugly about it. Now she has been getting closer with him. She doesn’t want to tell him that he’s not her biological father, as that would hurt the relationship.

I told her she needs to tell him, because honesty is a building block of a relationship and that he’s still her father. If he finds out through the test that he took too (and didn’t put it together that she’s not his), then he will be devastated that she didn’t say anything. My question is, should she tell him or not?

I’ll support her decision either way, but I think honesty is the right thing. The right thing isn’t always the easy thing. I understand that her Dad, who raised her, will always be her true father to her.

    • JoumanaKayrouz@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      13·
      1 year ago

      Imagine if your child finds out and you’ve lied to him 20 years. It might matter to him. I know if I found out that my parents weren’t my biological parents and they didn’t tell me that I would be devastated. Of course her Dad will always be her Dad, but that doesn’t make it hurt less.

      • GrouchyLady@lemmy.worldEnglish
        1·
        1 year ago

        You would be devastated, but that doesn’t mean everyone would react the same as you would. Your wife will be a better judge of her father’s temperament, and ultimately, it’s her decision. It seems like you’re very focused on convincing her that your way is the “right” way to go about this. I’d encourage you to step back and realize that both paths have potential for harming their relationship. This should be your wife’s to handle.

          • 🦥󠀠󠀠󠀠󠀠󠀠󠀠@lemmy.worldEnglish
            51·
            1 year ago

            I’m a disabled veteran and rely on her to look after me. I’ll be in a cardboard box on the side of a road without her or dead probably. Things aren’t always as simple as they seem.

            If my son finds out I’ll just say it was a shock to me too.

            • sirkook@lemmy.worldEnglish
              41·
              1 year ago

              It’s a father’s job to protect their kids, and though this probably means little from an internet stranger, I think you’re doing a good job. Your son is lucky to have you. Revealing the truth does nothing for your son, and it doesn’t change the past. Sometimes it’s okay to let the past die.