While that first crush was wild and some of the worst mental anguish I’ve experienced, it definitely helped me grow and learn to focus on what I can change and accept what I can’t. I wasn’t mature enough at all for a relationship at that time anyway; I was still figuring out my own identity in multiple ways, and I was so emotionally consumed by him that I either would’ve centered my whole life around him to an unhealthy degree, or he would’ve lost interest since I’d have stopped developing my own personality.

This is me right now. For a straight guy, no less. And I have had this happen a few times already and it feels like I just never learn. I can´t imagine I will ever get over this guy, but if I do, I will eventually fall stupidly over some other guy and go through the motions all over again. I feel like there is no learning.

You say “it helped me grow and learn to focus on what I can change and accept what I can’t”. That is very stoic and I know that rationally, but then emotions get into the mix and reason goes out the window.