it’s just you hear so many horror stories about it all. both about the apps themselves and just from people’s bad relationships in general. it’s a huge life change to go from single to actively going on dates [or whatever the term is], i feel like, because you’re being emotionally vulnerable, which is important / challenging, and committing to a lasting thing ostensibly as well. and i’d have to make sure my apartment is cleaner in all the specific neat little ways.
i mean i want to message back but every time it’s like i stress myself out and overanalzye what they said and what i should say and i can’t even enjoy it – does anyone enjoy that part?
As someone who also struggled with this I’d say that just a simple “hi” will most likely already do. The one person I matched with on a dating platform (my current partner) said I was the only one that just simply said hi instead of trying some cheesy pickup line (or immediately talking about sex).
As mentioned above, I struggled with joining an online dating platform for a long time and when I did it took me a month of active swiping before I finally got a match. I was really nervous but I acted a bit more confident than I was (at first at least, before opening up later during our first date) and we’ve now been together for over 5 years.
You got lucky. Opening with “hi” may be slightly better than a cheesy pickup line but most people won’t reply to someone putting 0 work into the conversation. You’re giving them nothing to reply with besides another “hi”
Just open something relevant to their profile that’s not alluding to sex and keep it short/casual
They matched with you. So they like you already. Just be yourself and write a message.
Hi TheirName. I matched with you because I saw blank in your profile. Ask them a question.
I would just not be on those apps. Yes, it works for some, but overall it’s a shitty way to meet new people. Much easier to meet someone while learning a new hobby and organically asking them out rather than staring at a screen in horror and anxiety, unable to type a simple reply.
Dating shouldn’t be a “market”… it’s just something that happens in one’s life. Making it marketable and gamified cheapens in my view.
But I don’t want to be that person giving you that kind of answer, so I would say get a friend to text back the first reply just to give you a push. You may dread going on that date, but you’ll find out it wasn’t that bad after all… or you’ll find out you met another shitty person on a dating app, and that it wasn’t worth it, and that the lesson learned is to never try.
Sadly for some people, for instance people with anxiety, depression or some kinda disabilities, also people who are rural, that’s not really a option. :(
Yeah, that’s a very good point, but I think the issue is not with accessibility, but with how these apps are built. Living in rural areas, having a disability, etc, this still means you could get a discord account, or take a class online, or find people on lemmy in your area, etc. Online dating is fine, but what irks me is viewing a bunch of people in scrollable format, rating them quickly based on superficial details, like in a market place.
