Of course I also stim for the typical reasons, but I feel like I’ll sometimes sort of “play up” certain autism-associated traits as a form of body language… I’ve also experienced people not understanding what stims are and misinterpreting mine, so maybe it’s a bit naïve of me to do this.
I was doing this subconsciously, all the time. People would tell me, I noticed you rocking back and forth, you must have been stressed. I didn’t realise I was doing this. But I think being aware of it, puts you in a weird position of choosing to do it, to try to communicate something. If the impulse to do it is there, I’ll do it. But I try not to do so, for the sake of it. Not unless I need to.
Your everyday neurotypical, may not interpret it correctly. Especially if they’re unaware of what autism is. If you want to avoid misinterpretation, you could just communicate with them clearly, that you’re overwhelmed, etc. That’s assuming the people you are communicating with, are willing to try to understand you. Ultimately, you will need to decide if that will be beneficial for you.
I wouldn’t hold out hope that this will be interpreted how you want. It may be better to catch yourself doing this when you notice it and then do something active to ameliorate your situation like getting away from the overwhelming thing or verbally asking for what you need
Perhaps normally I would do those things for those reasons, but there will always be times when I can neither talk nor leave, and don’t have a communication bracelet or smartphone on my person nor a good ‘helper’ nearby. In those types of last-resort situations, something like trying to call attention to my stimming ends up being really the only form of communication permitted by the all-powerful Zakon*.
It might actually be precisely because this “communicative stimming” is vague/indirect that draws me to it: indirect communication is for me not subject to temporary loss in the same way as the otherwise far more preferable direct communication; and because I so often need to interpret the weird body language of the neurotypical hegemon, I might end up deriving some sort of satisfaction from “turning the tables” in a situation where it’s pretty much hopeless that I’d be able to communicate at all otherwise.
*“The Zakon” (← RU зако́н ‘law’) is my all-encompassing term for rigid routines, as well as hypersensitivities and related behaviors, and the outwardly irrational behaviors related to masking-induced social anxieties/over-analysis. In summary, the Zakon is the compelling force behind every behavior that prompts people to ask why I don’t do the obviously much easier and better thing.
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