The Ukraine war was just a distraction all along. Russia has developed FTL travel and now has nukes stationed in Andromeda, waiting to strike the US.

  • FortifiedAttack [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    5 months ago

    Don’t worry guys, Russia constructed the satellite out of washing machine chips, so it’s low quality and will break apart before it fires.

    Don’t worry guys, Russia’s nukes don’t work, so the satellite is only armed with a giant shovel.

    Don’t worry guys, Russia ran out of rockets (and missiles) so Putin had to personally carry the satellite up into space using a comically long ladder, and that took him approximately 2 years, so they aren’t gonna put up a second one there anytime soon.