Even if he somehow wins, Trump will find a way to fuck it up. He has been failing upward with daddy’s money his entire life.

Midichlorians… Midichlorians everywhere

Tinker Tom needs to cool it with the MILAs.

On this planet, you don’t just leave a guy hanging like that. When you start a job, finish it dammit!

“Honey, we’re going to be able to afford to go on vacation after all. We’re just going to have to duct tape ourselves to the seats near the hole in the plane.”

This is outrageous. They’re not even going to attempt to investigate my report about an alien beaming into the bathroom and touching my peepee? Just for that, I’m filing 10 more complaints.

DoD nerds be fuckin’.

“Building and supplying a coal-fired power plant on Mars has been ridiculously expensive and wasteful, but it’s important to bring our traditions with us to this new world.”

Add a gun and some bullets and call it the Hunter S. Thompson Special.

I see “AI,” I press X to doubt. Sorry, it’s a natural reaction.

There are dozens of us!

I haven’t seen it in a while, but I remember Lemmings saying to switch “economy” with “rich people’s yacht money” in your head when reading financial or economic news.

Speaking about the former president Donald Trump’s appearance earlier that day at the Turning Point conference, Fuentes told his AFPAC crowd, “Donald Trump, nine years ago, said, ‘I am your voice.’ I don’t know about you guys, but when he goes up there and says ‘We’re gonna throw out all the anti-Israel protesters,’ that’s not my voice.”

As the hands raised, Fuentes alternated between an oath and “Sieg heil” salute. The would-be voice for a furious generation then shouted for attendees to repeat after him, “I solemnly swear to put America first and Israel last — every time! — because Christ is our king. Amen!”

The Nazis hurt themselves in their confusion.

Murtaugh: Riggs! You can’t go around telling people the department has problems because of all the Jews in charge! Especially not on camera!

Riggs: Am I too old for this shit? No, it’s the Jews who are wrong.

In the future, you’ll be able to entertain yourself in public transport by making angry/sad/happy faces at cameras and watching the ads change around you.

Unfortunately, this does not seem to be a positive step in Timberlake’s mission to bring sexy back.

I’m always seeing posts and comments from that one guy everybody secretly doesn’t like. Man, I hate that guy.

Old and busted: $2.50 for horse armor in a fun game

New hotness: $7 for a mission in a boring game

Given Russia’s performance in Ukraine, Iran firing 5% of its total stockpile at Israel and having almost nothing get through modern American air defense, and China’s own review of military readiness that showed glaring flaws and corruption, any plans China may have had to invade Taiwan should be postponed indefinitely.

Turning local elections in Taiwan in China’s favor in the long term seems like the more viable alternative for reunification.