everything feels terrible alone at night when i don’t drink. i blamed my inability to immerse in any of the activities i might want to do during this time of day to depression, but im not that depressed rn broadly in the rest of my life, so im starting to think my drinking might be to self medicate my ADHD and my depression and anxiety??? 
definitely gonna finally look into a psychiatrist once my new insurance card comes to get on some dang amphetamines
a wifeguy without a partner is basically akin to the creature gollum, dreamed up by one John Ronald Reuel Tolkien
the microplastics in my skull are not very happy with me – that’s okay, I’ll still keep drinking that garbage 
no, i will simply recognize the distinction between the two as mere illusion 
i am of the plastics and the plastics are of me
no such thing as twink privilege on the str8 apps 
Lost Highway is cishet Mulholland Drive, ackshully
when i was a teen i think part of why i got into david lynch because i read about how his works were an influence on silent hill 2, and this is the one where i think you can see that lineage the most in terms of plot/thematic similarities
both the main character and his wife’s doppelgangers/alter egos seem to have inspired Maria (having idealized qualities created from the protags projections), and the Mystery Man and pyramid head play very similar roles in both stories.
rewatched Lost Highway for the first time in about a decade and that shit is fire. i was a little too crossfaded by the end so i want to rewatch the last like 15-20 mins. very confusing but i think the kind of thing where looking for a literal explanation really isn’t the point? (same could be said for mullholand drive to a lesser extent, i think that one has a generally accepted explanation for what’s literally goin on though)
yeah and it’s usually kinda Cringe but occasionally it’s so Lit without you even having to try at all (but therein lies the potential for heartbreak )
you could specify that it was “before times” online dating and explain the difference between the current hellscape and OG okcupid (or wherever it was yall met). probably a lot of people who don’t even know that format was a thing at this point with the swipe model having monopolized shit so much!
i’m not asking this to be self-pitying, but should i just try to accept that i might be single indefinitely? ignoring the most grandiose, exaggerated version of my inner critic, i know that objectively i have a lot of qualities that many would consider desirable in a partner - conventionally decent looking, try to be a good person, engaged with the world around me, robust set of hobbies (even if i engage them less consistently than id like), some idiots w/ bad taste think im funny, etc etc etc.
but being single in the 2020s, it really just feels like the infrastructure is if not gone, then drying up & dying. apps became the default but they’re getting more and more unusable and people seem to be fleeing them - even since i started relatively recently shit has gotten more enshittified and the userbase has seemed to be dwindling. and most sources of community have been destroyed. im actually lucky to have found some community in my life, but it’s pretty much entirely through political organizing, and many many people consider that to be off limits as far as dating is concerned.
i just dont see any (or at least many) reliable paths besides praying to the god of sheer, dumb luck. i feel lost though because really i am not very happy single. but as time draws on since my relationship ended, it’s also feeling increasingly More Safe than the alternative (if infinitely less rewarding & potentially happy).
management’s passive aggressive office cops who use indirect violence rather than direct - theyve got the same role, to protect the company and therefore, capital. don’t think i’ve ever met an HR person who hasn’t filled me with loathing and/or creeped me out, either malicious automata programmed to deal death through a rictus, artificial smile, or snide 15 year olds stuck in the bodies of 20-30somethings.
Yeah so when you unmatch it’s not like “hey I realized I actually have too much on my plate to actively date right now, you seem like a cool person and best of luck out there” followed by “Sol has exited the chat,” instead the entire match is just gone
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Not really, it’s just that people won’t even see your message a lot of the time since the chat disappears on unmatch. But I’m not really gonna defend myself here because this is the shittiest I’ve been on the apps and I deserve a certain amount of shame.
really don’t feel up to going on a million trial first dates with strangers and feel sorely tempted to wordlessly unmatch my upcoming date this week. ive felt like shit when people have done similar to me, and i know it’s really not justifiable behavior beyond “well, everybody else is doing it.” but i’ve been made lesser by a rotten format…
on the one hand feelings of doom are understandable and the current set of tactics available to us do feel impotent in a vacuum, but on the other so many reddit socialists (even on the better subs) are so fucking obviously reaching for excuses to not do anything.
gotta stop lurking on that shit site
Trash President Look Like Trash Dracula 
i dont mean to be a treat demon but when the halal guy hears my “a little bit of hot sauce” and gives me “a moderate amount of hot sauce” that shit has real world consequences i have an invisible disability taking four imodium in a day cannot be healthy
(anyway i still dont make a fuss i just shit out my doodooass the next day in silence)