if yall could do the white house again like last time it’d be much appreciated

the secret is confidence, i think. lol

…is she single?

oh no it’s both boba and kiki

i wrote a check yesterday and faxed something last month, because 1. fuck paying “convenience fees” to pay my rent online 2. fuck signing up for yet another medical portal just so i can order some fucking contact lenses

do not miss film cameras though. always felt too inhibited to take photos because i’d be “wasting” the film

originally planned to be Gordon Freeman’s spouse

i refuse to accept this i have been shipping Cross & Green since like 2011

this is called a colostomy bag but I think most users would disagree that dealing with the bag cleanup is worth the ability to shit on the go lol

it’s the 90s grunge spelling

they were referencing this comedy classic

accompanied by New Apartment Smell

I had a cheap programmable multicolor LED lightbulb that used this technology but worse, as it used audible chirping produced by an app. The beeps were earsplittingly high pitched and had to be played LOUDLY to work.

Occasionally the bulb sensor would hear god knows what noise from outside (nothing in that neighborhood sounded even remotely like the app’s digital harpy screeches) and SUDDENLY ACTIVATE ITS PARTY STROBE LIGHT MODE.

I let my roommate keep it when I moved out.

horny should be a perpendicular axis. you can be very angry and horny.

“Toi know quoi? Fuck toi.” *un-freedoms ton fries *

people in the year 10,000: wtf is a “meal”
(translated from 7th dimensional quantum vibration language)

picked up this wacky thing at the thrift store while goofin around with the boiz, mainly to make them laugh. it’s actually a really good phone holder that doubles as a dash mount for the rare occasion that I need to drive a car

*moves away from microphone to breathe *

DIGITIZE ME FRED

Miners not minors!

had no idea you could use it on not a deck!