There’s a pervasive view by people on Reddit (and I’m guessing Lemmy now too), that if the neighborhood contains mostly black people, it’s somehow bad.

There are some really bad black neighborhoods. They are portrayed that way on TV and movies, even glorified in many respects due to music, and therefore the perception is that black neighborhoods are bad.

However, there are bad neighborhoods from every ethnicity - depends on the city. If you look at Tulsa/Oklahoma City, Tucson/Phoenix, Miami, even LA’s latino suburbs, the same can apply.

Cheap housing is not the primary focus for “good” people to move into a neighborhood. Gangs aren’t necessary going to leave just because a nice, white family moved in next door. In fact, the gang is more likely to taunt them into either fearing them into staying in their house or getting them to leave. Gangs make money from fear and hate. They will hurt, even kill, to maintain their territory and reputation.

“It takes a village” is a cliche, but it works. Your multi-ethnic neighborhood worked because together they allowed the group as a whole to be positive. These neighborhoods are going to have to do the same, collectively. The local government can help, along with dedicated organizations like the CDA, to work with those neighborhoods to do that. But in the end, it’s up to the neighborhoods. If they don’t want to, not much is really going to change.

The alternative is a developer swooping in, strip all the properties outright, and just putting in what he wants with bribes to the city under the guise of “fixing the blight”. It will no longer be a “neighborhood”; just a condo or apartment building, with tenants instead of owners.

It’s not that negative - unfortunately, there are neighborhoods where people don’t want to live in because of crime, gangs, homelessness, etc. Housing there is cheaper because the homes are not well maintained. Put up a new house and neighbors will not like it because if the property values go up then their property taxes go up - many are on a fixed income and can’t afford it.

It also means they can’t really fight the nearby gang activity because they have no other place to go.

Not saying you are wrong, but there is a lot more to it. That being said, there are options, and hopefully it leads to positive solutions for everyone.

NTA

Yes and no. You allowed him to go on his run, so punctuality wasn’t going to happen and you knew it. You also had history with him.

That being said, three hours is not late; it’s completely disrespectful.

NTA - sounds like you might be taken advantage of, even if it is for a good cause since the kid is an innocent party in all this.

Doesn’t excuse the mother’s behavior though. Remind her that you tackle a majority of the responsibilities, and she would have to clean the place no matter where she lived.

If she believes the grass is greener on the other side, politely let her find out. Hindsight is almost always 20/20.

No but you may have limited options. I would explain to them exactly what you stated here - you plan on getting drunk, relax, and have fun with friends. That doesn’t mix with babysitting.

Hopefully they appreciate your situation. If they can’t, then you will have to decide which is more important in the long term.

NTA - very unfortunate that both your parents are using you that way. IMO, the best thing for you is to try your best to remain calm but firm. Getting upset and loud will not help your relationship with them. If you have to bite you lip, or count to 10 before answering, do it. Sooner or later it will be over and things should go back to normal a little more.

NTA - his ego wrote a check his body couldn’t cash. It’s why the military are supposed to exercise every day, even if it’s light (I served 5 years; wife served 22).
I’ve been in your husband’s shoes; not taking it seriously enough and getting burned when it counted. I regretted it later, and in some respects I still regret it now. Hopefully he’ll use this as self-motivation. If he does, cheer him on. If he doesn’t, let him know that you enjoyed wrestling him last time and smile!

If your job includes impromptu trips then you may not have a choice, other than to quit before you planned to.

Certainly explain you situation, but if you’ve accepted previous trips like this your options may be limited.

Maybe not complete AH but very uncool and unnecessary. I can see why she’s not talking to you.

In this scenario, I see you now as a boss and your wife and the housekeeper as your servants because you get the benefit of a completely clean house just because you can afford it.

Might work out for you financially but unless you enjoy snuggling up to your money every night I suggest you find a more reasonable solution.

NTA - very unfortunate, but ultimately necessary.

NTA. Perhaps not the best response, but in the end you chose what trip you wanted to go on the most. Everyone will have a good time, and hopefully there will be other opportunities.

I think a third party would help at this point. Someone like a therapist or a priest who can help explain both sides and present the best options.

NTA. You can certainly apologize for losing it, but in the end it is your choice, not hers.

Budgets are important, and it’s great that you are trying to keep your long term goals. If your boyfriend wants to join you in that, then he will adjust accordingly. If not, it shouldn’t change what you want to do.

No - you get to choose between zero children and as many children as you can handle.

Sounds like you need to have a discussion with your parents and further explain your side of who you believe is capable of watching your daughter.

In the end, it’s not their call; it’s yours.

Are there certain things that your husband asks around the house that you sometimes relax on, or even dismiss?

If you do, then you’ve answered your question.

Your friends said you should write a book; you did. But writing a book doesn’t necessarily mean publishing a book.

You have a very tough choice. Is it worth losing your relationship with your mother, even if it’s in the short term?

NTA for wanting the wedding when you want it instead of when your dad does, but IMO definitely the AH for using your dad’s insistance as your financial gain. You basically bribed your father.

If he wants to invite friends and family to a date where a wedding will not occur, that’s on him to explain. You only have to explain what you and your future husband plan to do.