Wrong guy. Milton stole the money as he was burning the building down, Tom (this guy) was going to unalive himself in the garage, his wife caught him, and then got hit by a drunk driver when he pulled out of the garage to make it look like he wasn’t trying to unalive himself.
(Before anyone says it, I know I’m on Lemmy and don’t need to use “unalive,” but it’s habit now from the dark places…)
God, this tastes like I took a giant bite out of an onion. They are…so serious and committed to having a cigar lounge in the capital building that they are going to stage a cigar sit-in in the office of the SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES while literally doing nothing legislative.
It’s just…absurd. The article even read like an Onion piece; same pacing, same over-dramatic statements about minor inconveniences, same “no actual news source like Axios would report on this childish bullshit” feeling.
The original Axios article, with it’s serious tone almost feels more oniony: https://www.axios.com/2024/06/16/speaker-johnson-tom-cole-capitol-cigars
How did the absurdity become the norm?
Like “almost a whole fifth” lot of vodka.