No blackouts is great news. I wonder if having an MLB.tv subscription will be all you need.

My wife doesn’t like to be called madame, so I can her mad man. She actually prefers it.

I finally tried licking one recently, and it didn’t taste like anything

My girlfriend had computer RAM in her purse. That is now why she is my wife.

Through my mental fog lies a Souls boss waiting to destroy all who attempt to enter (including me).

Me the second I read this: FUCK. THAT. 😠

The last lending library I saw had some religious discs placed inside them. Expected them to be of the usual Christian variety. Oddly enough, it was actually of some rabbi.

I was under the impression that Judaism wasn’t about proselytising. 🤷

Sounds like this brand name needs a new start.

A NEW START… Hmm…

I got it!

ANUSTART!

I have some small magnets stuck to the underside of my stove’s range hood.

When I need a place to put that spoon that “I’ll probably need later”, I stick it to one of the magnets. Just let it dangle away.

Awww…She looks just like you!

I wish I had teeth

Any minute now…

Yeah. “They shouldn’t be above the law.” works better.

Just before the pandemic, I was at a restaurant. A couple was sitting next to me.

Woman: (Says something about Fiona)

Man: Who’s Fiona?

Woman: (Shocked, disgusted face) You don’t KNOW Fiona???

I bet she broke up with him on the spot.

Man, pop-up headlights are sexy

Me at the grocery store yesterday: “These cookies look delicious! And they’re 90% off!”

Wife: “Those are lactation cookies…”

Me: “I didn’t know that was a thing… They still look good though…”

That, or you’d get crushed alive since the car wasn’t designed to actually protect you…

https://youtu.be/C_r5UJrxcck

People like this drive me crazy.

Years ago, a family member (who was on my mobile phone family account) was getting charged monthly for some mobile game. I would point it out every month, and they were like “Yeah…I need to cancel that…”

It took over a year for them to get around to canceling it.