Do you realize that this is the 12th year we’ve run this series? Time really flies when you don’t have something lodged up your butt. But for those of you who do, read on to see if you made this year’s list of the weirdest stuff that entered America’s orifices. If not, there’s always next year.

All reports are taken from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits, all descriptions are verbatim, and all the entries below involved some very poor decisions.

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• FINGER PUPPET

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• “SHOVED A BAG CONTAINING 20 HYDROXYZINE PILLS INTO HIS RECTUM FOR ‘STREET CRED’”

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• “MOTORIZED TIRE PUMP INSERTED IN HER RECTUM AND WAS INSUFFLATED FOR A DURATION OF APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES”