I legitimately find it difficult to long term stay annoyed with people who have wronged me. I have close friends and family telling me how ridiculous it is I’m still in touch and friendly with people I used to consider friends but briefly cut them out after they treated me horribly. I can see the logic and feel as though I SHOULD hate certain people for how they’ve been in the past but I just don’t feel any anger or resentment and am quite happy to just forget the past. Is this weird and/or unhealthy?
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It makes you a target for abuse, and eventually it will come back to harm you. Usually not holding a grudge or taking pride in forgiveness has to do with what you want to believe about yourself. Most people want to get along with everyone, but going all in on it like you are means you are lying to yourself in some way about the damage it is doing, about how well you actually are succeeding in playing nicey nice with all these people who wronged you, about people’s ability to change. It sounds like you have been lucky so far and not seriously harmed by anyone, but there are people in this world with no conscience who are on the lookout for someone like you and one of them will eventually find you. Ultimately, most people either become more harsh and unfriendly or get good at eliminating really bad people in their lives very quickly so they can continue surrounding themselves with people they can forgive because they’d never do anything to you that risks your life or long-term wellbeing. I recommend the latter, AKA speak softly and carry a big stick.
I think most people are like this. It’s hard to hold on to actual hatred. Most of us ain’t got any time for that.
You haven’t met my mother.
She still gets extremely bitter and randomly brings up the fact that I ruined Peter Pan on ice for her by sulking about not getting ice cream during the interlude.
That was 20 years ago and I was six…
Keyword: most
That’s fair, she do be a one of a kind fruit cake.
I’m a serial bridge burner. That doesn’t mean I hold a grudge. I cut people out of my life if they’ve done something that shows me I can’t trust them anymore, or that they don’t care about me at all. If we cross paths (accidentally) again, I’ll be polite but not friendly.
Keeping friends for me is an investment, and holding a grudge is also an investment. Friendships give me positive returns, grudges only losses.
What I don’t understand is people who keep in touch with those who wronged them, and also hold a grudge. That’s the definition of toxic relationships. The only exception would be with family you just can’t cut ties easily.
Now if you are the type that forgives and forgets easily, well, hats off to you. It all depends on what the situation was though. Sometimes one is surrounded by people who like to keep of these toxic relationships in their lives, and of course, they won’t understand that you can forgive and forget.
I was and am similar. But it is very important to remember you can say no to people that more often than not get you into situations. Respect yourself and set up boundaries.
I don’t know why you’d ever think not holding grudges is unhealthy when there’s tons of places in society that tell you grudges are unhealthy. The only problem you have to watch out for which isn’t directly related (nor cause to try and hold grudges) is getting repeatedly abused. Grudges are an unhealthy way to protect ourselves from being hurt again. You can avoid being abused again without grudges, but it’s a more conscious effort.
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Not holding onto anger/resentment is called forgiveness, and it’s a good thing to do for your own sake. However, don’t put yourself in harm’s way, mental or physical, just because you’ve forgiven a person. Forgive all you want, but don’t forget.
Do you have any rationale behind keeping in touch with those people in spite of their treatment of you? What do you believe about their future behaviour?
