There’s a flip side to this. And full disclosure, I’m a guy trying to be part of the solution.
The flip is that guys are assumed to be dangerous. That’s the default. And yeah, some guys are dangerous, but imagine if every time you met someone new they flinched back when you tried to shake their hand. Every. Single. Time. Would you continue to try to shake hands? Or would you shy away from meeting new people?
Now, obviously that example is an extreme. Virtually no one has that happen, but we see similar communicated all the time. Women crossing the street because they don’t want to walk in front of a guy. People suspicious of a man at a park just watching his kid. Etc.
I’m not saying women don’t have a right to feel nervous, or even that they are wrong to feel the way they do. I’m just pointing out that being treated like I could explode at any moment wears on my soul. And being told “this isn’t about you” really doesn’t change much about how it makes me feel.
That’s a very real experience, and I have experienced that too. As a male teacher, I have often been seen with suspicion. As just a tall guy who has some self awareness, I can sense that I can be seen as a potential threat. It’s exhausting.
But remember, it’s not women’s fault. It’s the fault of asshole guys that bought into a shit idea of what masculinity is and taught women to be on guard.
The fact is the boys are not alright. They are being outperformed in school, and in all demographics except the elite, there is a drop in real wealth among men when women are climbing. This is especially true for men of color. If there is a failure of progressive change in the 2000s, it’s not giving the boys a path forward beyond “no means no”.
This sure sounds like an internalised version of “you’re one of the good ones”. It’s cool man, don’t let bigots gaslight you into feeling bad about your gender.
I’m not sure you’re understanding the situation. Imagine if 1 out of 10 dogs you approached were aggressive, would you feel happy around dogs? Or would you protect yourself?
You’re fully aware that women are taking actions are protecting themselves, so why are you taking this personally? Why not just be understanding?
Everything about the post was him talking about how he’s understanding but it hurts us to be treated that way by default as well. Did you even fucking read it?
I don’t think you read it. He is suggesting that women reacting to actual real danger is damaging to him. If he understood then it wouldn’t be hurtful.
Do you get upset when a strange child is scared of you? Of course not, because you understand that new people are scary to children.
It’s hilarious that you started this by saying you’re ‘trying to be part of the solution’ but are then pretending you don’t understand the issue at all.
If you want to be part of the solution then start by educating yourself.
Some feelings come from prejudice. It’s not saying that those feelings don’t exist but they need to be looked at.
If you are upset at people having perfectly normal reactions to dangers in their environment then you need to look at those feelings and work on putting yourself in other peoples shoes.
There’s a flip side to this. And full disclosure, I’m a guy trying to be part of the solution.
The flip is that guys are assumed to be dangerous. That’s the default. And yeah, some guys are dangerous, but imagine if every time you met someone new they flinched back when you tried to shake their hand. Every. Single. Time. Would you continue to try to shake hands? Or would you shy away from meeting new people?
Now, obviously that example is an extreme. Virtually no one has that happen, but we see similar communicated all the time. Women crossing the street because they don’t want to walk in front of a guy. People suspicious of a man at a park just watching his kid. Etc.
I’m not saying women don’t have a right to feel nervous, or even that they are wrong to feel the way they do. I’m just pointing out that being treated like I could explode at any moment wears on my soul. And being told “this isn’t about you” really doesn’t change much about how it makes me feel.
That’s a very real experience, and I have experienced that too. As a male teacher, I have often been seen with suspicion. As just a tall guy who has some self awareness, I can sense that I can be seen as a potential threat. It’s exhausting.
But remember, it’s not women’s fault. It’s the fault of asshole guys that bought into a shit idea of what masculinity is and taught women to be on guard.
The fact is the boys are not alright. They are being outperformed in school, and in all demographics except the elite, there is a drop in real wealth among men when women are climbing. This is especially true for men of color. If there is a failure of progressive change in the 2000s, it’s not giving the boys a path forward beyond “no means no”.
This sure sounds like an internalised version of “you’re one of the good ones”. It’s cool man, don’t let bigots gaslight you into feeling bad about your gender.
I’m not sure you’re understanding the situation. Imagine if 1 out of 10 dogs you approached were aggressive, would you feel happy around dogs? Or would you protect yourself?
You’re fully aware that women are taking actions are protecting themselves, so why are you taking this personally? Why not just be understanding?
Everything about the post was him talking about how he’s understanding but it hurts us to be treated that way by default as well. Did you even fucking read it?
I don’t think you read it. He is suggesting that women reacting to actual real danger is damaging to him. If he understood then it wouldn’t be hurtful.
Do you get upset when a strange child is scared of you? Of course not, because you understand that new people are scary to children.
Would you say the same thing to a black person who felt similarly, but about their skin color?
Are you suggesting that black people are regularly attacking people? Because if not then it’s not the same thing is it?
You’re saying men regularly attack people… but not black men? So it’s only white men that women are afraid of?
It’s hilarious that you started this by saying you’re ‘trying to be part of the solution’ but are then pretending you don’t understand the issue at all.
If you want to be part of the solution then start by educating yourself.
It’s hilarious I tell you how I feel and you tell me I’m not only wrong, but need to educate myself before my feelings are correct. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Some feelings come from prejudice. It’s not saying that those feelings don’t exist but they need to be looked at.
If you are upset at people having perfectly normal reactions to dangers in their environment then you need to look at those feelings and work on putting yourself in other peoples shoes.
… can you explain what my prejudice is? Because apparently I’m too dumb to understand and need to be educated.