Trans women are women. We suffer under patriarchy too, indirectly before we transition and directly after we do. We also suffer under cisgendernormativity throughout our whole lives.

We are not the enemies of women. We are women. Cisgender women and transgender women share female solidarity, and we are and always will be allied. Cisgender women and girls (and those perceived that way) are oppressed through patriarchy and misogyny their whole lives. But we suffer from it too. We should have solidarity for each other’s lived experiences. Its the transphobic people who are trying to portray us as enemies. They are wrong. Any feminist, any enemy of patriarchy, understands how transphobia negatively affects cisgender men and women too.

internalized transphobia does hit comrade but you are a girl

We wouldn’t call a cis woman any less of a woman if she never had that past of being subjected to the violence of patriarchy, and that aside, as a trans woman you have suffered the violence of the patriarchy in a way unique to womanhood. The thing that makes you a woman is that you are your truest self when you confidently align with womanhood, and however you choose to align with womanhood, you are your fullest, happiest, most authentic, and most alive self when doing so, even if you feel like you don’t have your bearings quite yet and you’re on unfamiliar ground for a bit.

You’re literally so valid and I have so much love for you and if you aren’t in touch with what it takes for you to feel that in your heart yet then I hope me feeling that you’re valid is enough for the both of us

How far are you into transitioning? I felt that way early on but several years of transitioning later and yeah I’ve dealt with enough misogyny that I don’t.

The fun part of transitioning is that you’ll get both traditional misogyny and new, unique flavors!

Seriously though, joining a group of people that you aren’t used to being in will always feel weird, but luckily that goes away with familiarity. I feel like my advice is always the same though, which is to find a therapist informed on gender issues if you can afford one.

You’re undoing a lifetime of internalised transphobia and misogyny. That doesn’t go away overnight, even when you recognise it for what it is. Undoing it is also the work of a lifetime

You feel like you haven’t “earned” the right to call yourself a woman because you haven’t been through what a cis woman does (which I don’t think is true but that’s what I think you’re saying), yet you prefer to move out of very public space to talk about this? This would indicate that you have been through some sort of adversity regarding your identity, and yes, it may not be the exact brand of adversity a cis woman would feel (ask yourself if every individual woman has experienced the same adversity. Yes there are obvious patterns but you know what I’m saying), you are saying that one must fight for their gender, that you have fought for yours, but yet don’t deserve it.

Oh my god yes I relate to this post so much, I’m still questioning but I’m so afraid of feeling like an intruder

I too feel like I haven’t earned womanhood. Not from lack of harassment, I grew up neurodivergent and redheaded. But there’s some other X factor I feel like I’m missing but can’t put my finger on. Nope, you not alone.

I feel a similar way occasionally. I think you have to relate to womanhood not in terms of suffering but in terms of joy sometimes.

I know this is an old thread, but the book Whipping Girl by Julie Serano may be a good read. Book is about trans misogyny and touches on some of the feelings you shared.