It’s NOT because I’m fucking “lazy” though, it’s a whole bunch of things.

Obviously there is executive dysfunction involved, like being fired back in mid April obliterated the life schedule I’ve had since I was 18, fuck I worked that place for a long time. Just being dumped back at home with nothing to reliably get up for, no occupation to put effort into, is disturbing and frankly it’s alarming that I have any kind of consistent sleep schedule at all. Say “thank you wifey” to my wife for keeping me from becoming a completely unhinged ‘neet’.

So I haven’t even updated my resume or applied for jobs, for a ton of reasons. Partly it’s because I am unemployable, like I have maybe the one reference from my supervisor at my previous job, that is it. I worked there like six years so Idk, what am I supposed to do? I do not have skills or anything, that stupid ass cleaning job was sort of it.

But primarily it’s because I’m fuckin busted. The chronic pain (undiagnosed and unexplained pain at the base of the skull + pain in the sternum area, thought to be costochondritis + extreme fatigue and exhaustion all the time) started out five or so years ago as a mild annoyance, but at this point it’s so bad that I can’t even carry a load of laundry down the hall without risk of ending up in pain all day. That’s with tramadol (yes I need different painkillers) too, without I’m borderline nonfunctional, only really capable of walking, and even then only for like 30mins at a time. What job could I even do like this? It has to get fucking solved, and I’ve been bothering my gp about it more. Several of my lengthy absences from work were taken with the hope of fixing this problem though, and years on it hasn’t happened so I am not hopeful.

Basically I’ve been sitting on my ass because the painkillers aren’t really powering my corpse anymore. I can only do this due to Employment Insurance money, no idea how long that’ll last. I told em I’m unable to work due to illness or injury, which at this point is true, I got fired for taking too many breaks in the interest of not completely destroying my body. I want this fixed, it’s getting worse.