My dear girl of around 15 years just went. I don’t have any memories without her. I love her so much. I’m not sure I will make it. Last year around this time I lost my grandmother (raised me so I call her mom) due to family legally kidnapping her and sold her home while also evicting me. And now I lose the only thing I had left that I cared about. I had to sign the papers. I killed her. My mom didn’t even get to be there. Only via the phone.
Update: I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop hyperventilating. I haven’t ate or drank in over 24 hours now. What if she would have been fine. What if it was just a minor set back. What if she thinks I killed her over the first inconvenience. Why did i do it. I killed her. Why. She is my everything. How can I eat when she can’t. How can I get sleep when she can’t. How can I be happy without her.
You didn’t kill her, you helped her passing. She was on the way out, and she was doing her absolute best to hide it, to not worry or upset you despite being in pain.
She isn’t hungry or tired or hurting. She isn’t struggling. It was her time.
How much you hurt is a reflection of how much you loved her. She knew that.
Now she’s at peace. Eventually, you will find peace too.
I assume you mean that you euthanized her. If so, you did the right thing comrade. My cat’s last months (she had a tumor in her gut) were absolutely brutal, she didn’t eat so she lost a ton of weight, she was too weak to climb stuff, she didn’t take care of herself etc. My parents didn’t want to do it so she just suffered unnecessarily. You have to take care of yourself, she wouldn’t want you to suffer like that, I am sure of it
I had to put my dog of 15 years down at the beginning of the year, she was my everything, the first and last person I spoke to every day, the reason I’m still alive today, I was broken for months, I think about her every single day, I miss her with every atom in my body and I don’t think that will ever go away.
Don’t let any one tell you how to and how long you mourn the loss of your friend, there are a lot of people who don’t understand the connection between a person and their long time friend and they can get fucked, fuck em, they don’t know shit about it so don’t worry.
You’ve had a lot of loss but you’ll get through it, it will suck like hell, but you will get through this, you won’t ever stop thinking about your girl, but you will go back to feeling joy instead of sadness over time when you think of her.
We’re a pretty good community here on Lemmy, so if you need to chat about it or whatever one of us will be here.
Just remember that how ever much you loved her, she loved you 10 fold back.
You’re so much stronger than me. I just added an update to the post. I can’t do this.
Nah man, you’re all good, you got this, it sucks balls but it does get better, the sad thoughts always get replaced with happy memories. I was broken for months, I had one mental breakdown and when I got asked what could fix it all that could come out was " I just want my dog back", so i know how you’re feeling, but it does get easier.
I filtered and blocked anything on Lemmy that upset or angered me and just found shit that brought me joy and did things that brought me joy , just fill your spare time with dumb fun things that hit that serotonin button in your head, that helps a lot, even those stupid mobile games help.
Pets are family and I know how hard it is to lost one. Solidarity
You didn’t kill her, I’m sure you only did what was necessary for her well-being. I’m sorry though, it’s never easy to lose loved ones
You made sure that dog had a wonderful and long life. This period is going to be incredibly rough, but don’t blame yourself please.
Personal, but my little baby is getting up there in age. I’m going to immediately look into adopting another as soon as she needs to go. It’ll be very hard to feel sad or depressed with another little buddy hanging out with you and keeping your attention. That might not be right for you, but worth considering.
Not to minimize how tough it will be, but it will pass. Take care.
I’ve been there. It will be hard but you will be okay. It sounds to me like she lived her entire life being loved. That you feel this so deeply speaks of the kindness of your soul.
Shit sucks
