We generally don’t hate people from red states, I’m in Oregon. We see them like a kid that won’t stop touching a hot stove. It’s more a disappointment than a “fuck em”.
Apparently you’ve never had people tell you that you don’t matter because you’re from a red state. I’m trans, stuck in a red state, and get to have people tell me I deserve what the state is doing to me and my trans siblings because we were born here.
Obviously Texas wouldn’t be so red if we would just vote for Democrats, right? Therefore, we must be part of the problem! As long as one person votes blue then that cancels out all the red votes so we really have no one to blame but ourselves!
Apparently you’ve never had people tell you that you don’t matter because you’re from a red state.
I’m trans, stuck in a red state, and get to have people tell me I deserve what the state is doing to me and my trans siblings because we were born here.
Girl, that is absolutely bullshit, I am so sorry to hear that. I have family in both Alberta and Saskatchewan (Canada’s blindly right-wing provinces) and it is brutal if you’re not white, male, and hetero. Even moreso if you’re visually not one of those things, and you’re in a rural area.
One of my kids is trans, and we’re about to get a Con federal government, so we’re pretty worried for her. Who knows what care will be removed when Canada’s Trump Loving Party takes over (the Conservatives are looking like they’ll get a majority).
(For anyone who doesn’t know our parties, that’s the Federal Liberal Party (Centre/Centre-Left Wing), Conservative Party of Canada (Right Wing), New Democratic Party (Centre-Left/Left Wing), Bloc Québécois (far tougher to describe. They swing from Right to Left Wing.)
That sucks, dude. I haven’t been too up-to-date on Canadian politics (been too busy panicking over US politics) and was hoping at some point Canada might relax immigration requirements for people who’re POC, LGBTQ, etc; but maybe not…
I’m honestly scared that the LGBTQ community isn’t gonna “”“be a thing”“” in 30 or so years because it seems like LGBTQ rights are backsliding; not because being gay will go away, but because the Internet will allow for surveillance so invasive that there’ll be no chance for a community to exist.
Like, people outside the community don’t get it. Hell, some people inside the community don’t totally get it. The reaction I’ve gotten from people who’re cishet is “aw, it’s okay. I think you’re just overreacting. Trump really won’t be able to do as much as you think”. Hell, right now I’m dealing with parents who think hrt is an optional, cosmetic thing; not something I kinda need to not be a completely dysfunctional, self-loathing mess. They’re wanting me to move out (reasonable) before I start HRT (unreasonable). I feel like I’m in a catch-22 from hell.
I’m starting to understand why afrofuturism tends to feature heavily afro-centric worlds. Like, not just knowing why, but actually understanding why. When you have to rely on politicians who see you as just a pawn to be traded, you start to wish you had a country of your own that’s free from politicians who’ll use you. Why can’t we have the Gay Empire and the Confederation of Fur, Feathers and Scales next door or something? Just steal Western Sahara or something. Supposedly people can’t even agree on who actually owns it; but then that’d be colonialism, 'cause there’s nothing left on this planet that isn’t already owned.
*sigh*
You seem like a good dad, you’re accepting your daughter for who she is, so I probably don’t have to say this, but make sure your kids know and understand you love them and that they’re free to talk to you about whatever. Make sure you don’t just tell them, but that they understand they can come to you to talk about things.
Topics like sex were very much a taboo growing up, so I thought I was a disgusting pervert when I first became aware that something was different about me as a teenager. It led to me suppressing my feelings for about 20yrs; and when I finally came out a month or so ago, the dam broke and 20yrs of pent-up emotions came flooding out. I lost almost all of my friendships in a self-destructive spiral that lasted somewhere around a week because I couldn’t get my emotions under control and my parents wouldn’t step in and help.
Don’t let that happen to them. If you want them to understand that it’s okay to talk to you about that stuff, then you have to make sure they don’t think it’s taboo to talk about. That means you have to breach the taboo so they understand it’s okay. Maybe that’s making cringy jokes about a sex scene in a movie, or making a throwaway comment about how someone has a nice butt (yanno, and then you get the cliche “play slap” from your SO). Maybe smoke a joint every now and then, or let your kids occasionally have a sip or two of something alcoholic on special occasions. Dunno if your kids are old enough for that, just some things that woulda helped signal to me that my parents were open to talking about those kinds of things. It would have potentially saved me 20yrs of grief and festering misery.
From Texas, to Canada: I hope y’all manage to stay safe.
P.S…
Girl, that is absolutely bullshit
Thanks for this. I don’t mind people calling me “dude” or “man” in a gender-neutral way (like, “hey dude, what’s up?”); I do it a lot myself. However, it feels good when something thinks to swap the genders. Can’t be on hrt right now, so I’ll kinda take any affirmation I can take, heh.
Could you share more about your trans siblings? I had understood that being transgender was relatively uncommon, and I realize there may be genetic or other factors involved. It’s new to me that multiple members of a family might identify this way, and I’d love to learn more if you’re open to sharing. Thanks!
Twenty years ago, Ray Blanchard and Anthony Bogaert demonstrated that the probability of a boy growing up to be gay increases for each older brother born to the same mother, the so-called fraternal birth order (FBO) effect. Their first investigation indicated that each older brother increased the probability of being gay by about 33% (1). This startling phenomenon was confirmed in multiple studies based on independent populations totaling over 10,000 subjects, and a meta-analysis indicated that between 15% and 29% of gay men owe their sexual orientation to this effect
You misunderstood, heh. It’s not uncommon for people in the trans community to refer to other members as “siblings” or “brothers and sisters” regardless of actual blood relationship.
That said, my sister is non-binary and I’m pretty sure my mom is heavily closeted based on a number of things she’s said to me after I came out.
That the states that consistently vote Republican are also consistently among the states with the worst quality of life, and that there’s a correlation between the two.
That Republicans don’t actually care about Americans.
That they keep voting for people who “love the working class” and who “have great economic policy” but every classically Republican state is a fucking shithole that constantly needs money from blue states to stay barely afloat.
It’s yet more evidence that the GOP don’t have any interest and/or ability to properly run a country. All their ideas fucking suck and everything they touch is worse for it, and their base needs to realize this. Also educated or not it’s so insanely obvious these days just how bad shit is and whose at fault but us North Americans(I’m Canadian, same problems here but more boring) can’t stop but chase the right when the center falters. At this point people should be mocked, this shit’s inexcusable in ways it wasn’t as much even only 10-15 years ago.
Maybe. If people have been given ample opportunity to make the right choice, but they keep making bad choices, choices that continue to cause them to suffer, is that not what they deserve?
That red states vote against their own interests. They have massive needs and lag on many wellness metrics, yet consistently vote for politicians who are happy to keep them that way via the policy they enact
Yeah, fuck those Oklahomans! Those idiots deserve to suffer and struggle.
That’s not the message to take from this.
Oh? What is?
That red states are shittier than blue states. An objectively true fact.
Even other red states say this shit about redder states: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thank_God_for_Mississippi
I know. How does that make my comment wrong?
We generally don’t hate people from red states, I’m in Oregon. We see them like a kid that won’t stop touching a hot stove. It’s more a disappointment than a “fuck em”.
Like maybe they are just stupid?
Apparently you’ve never had people tell you that you don’t matter because you’re from a red state. I’m trans, stuck in a red state, and get to have people tell me I deserve what the state is doing to me and my trans siblings because we were born here.
Obviously Texas wouldn’t be so red if we would just vote for Democrats, right? Therefore, we must be part of the problem! As long as one person votes blue then that cancels out all the red votes so we really have no one to blame but ourselves!
I voted blue. Fuck you.
Girl, that is absolutely bullshit, I am so sorry to hear that. I have family in both Alberta and Saskatchewan (Canada’s blindly right-wing provinces) and it is brutal if you’re not white, male, and hetero. Even moreso if you’re visually not one of those things, and you’re in a rural area.
One of my kids is trans, and we’re about to get a Con federal government, so we’re pretty worried for her. Who knows what care will be removed when Canada’s Trump Loving Party takes over (the Conservatives are looking like they’ll get a majority).
(For anyone who doesn’t know our parties, that’s the Federal Liberal Party (Centre/Centre-Left Wing), Conservative Party of Canada (Right Wing), New Democratic Party (Centre-Left/Left Wing), Bloc Québécois (far tougher to describe. They swing from Right to Left Wing.)
That sucks, dude. I haven’t been too up-to-date on Canadian politics (been too busy panicking over US politics) and was hoping at some point Canada might relax immigration requirements for people who’re POC, LGBTQ, etc; but maybe not…
I’m honestly scared that the LGBTQ community isn’t gonna “”“be a thing”“” in 30 or so years because it seems like LGBTQ rights are backsliding; not because being gay will go away, but because the Internet will allow for surveillance so invasive that there’ll be no chance for a community to exist.
Like, people outside the community don’t get it. Hell, some people inside the community don’t totally get it. The reaction I’ve gotten from people who’re cishet is “aw, it’s okay. I think you’re just overreacting. Trump really won’t be able to do as much as you think”. Hell, right now I’m dealing with parents who think hrt is an optional, cosmetic thing; not something I kinda need to not be a completely dysfunctional, self-loathing mess. They’re wanting me to move out (reasonable) before I start HRT (unreasonable). I feel like I’m in a catch-22 from hell.
I’m starting to understand why afrofuturism tends to feature heavily afro-centric worlds. Like, not just knowing why, but actually understanding why. When you have to rely on politicians who see you as just a pawn to be traded, you start to wish you had a country of your own that’s free from politicians who’ll use you. Why can’t we have the Gay Empire and the Confederation of Fur, Feathers and Scales next door or something? Just steal Western Sahara or something. Supposedly people can’t even agree on who actually owns it; but then that’d be colonialism, 'cause there’s nothing left on this planet that isn’t already owned.
*sigh*
You seem like a good dad, you’re accepting your daughter for who she is, so I probably don’t have to say this, but make sure your kids know and understand you love them and that they’re free to talk to you about whatever. Make sure you don’t just tell them, but that they understand they can come to you to talk about things.
Topics like sex were very much a taboo growing up, so I thought I was a disgusting pervert when I first became aware that something was different about me as a teenager. It led to me suppressing my feelings for about 20yrs; and when I finally came out a month or so ago, the dam broke and 20yrs of pent-up emotions came flooding out. I lost almost all of my friendships in a self-destructive spiral that lasted somewhere around a week because I couldn’t get my emotions under control and my parents wouldn’t step in and help.
Don’t let that happen to them. If you want them to understand that it’s okay to talk to you about that stuff, then you have to make sure they don’t think it’s taboo to talk about. That means you have to breach the taboo so they understand it’s okay. Maybe that’s making cringy jokes about a sex scene in a movie, or making a throwaway comment about how someone has a nice butt (yanno, and then you get the cliche “play slap” from your SO). Maybe smoke a joint every now and then, or let your kids occasionally have a sip or two of something alcoholic on special occasions. Dunno if your kids are old enough for that, just some things that woulda helped signal to me that my parents were open to talking about those kinds of things. It would have potentially saved me 20yrs of grief and festering misery.
From Texas, to Canada: I hope y’all manage to stay safe.
P.S…
Thanks for this. I don’t mind people calling me “dude” or “man” in a gender-neutral way (like, “hey dude, what’s up?”); I do it a lot myself. However, it feels good when something thinks to swap the genders. Can’t be on hrt right now, so I’ll kinda take any affirmation I can take, heh.
Could you share more about your trans siblings? I had understood that being transgender was relatively uncommon, and I realize there may be genetic or other factors involved. It’s new to me that multiple members of a family might identify this way, and I’d love to learn more if you’re open to sharing. Thanks!
This isn’t about people who are trans, but there is a fascinating thing called the Fraternal Birth Order, where every male child a mother has, their likelihood of being gay goes up significantly.
You misunderstood, heh. It’s not uncommon for people in the trans community to refer to other members as “siblings” or “brothers and sisters” regardless of actual blood relationship.
That said, my sister is non-binary and I’m pretty sure my mom is heavily closeted based on a number of things she’s said to me after I came out.
Individual responsibility, bootstraps, etc.
Maybe. How many times does a kid have to burn himself on a hot stove before we accept that he’s just stupid and a lost cause?
Never. But we can still be disappointed. Not everyone in red states sucks, the majority of them seem to though.
Alright, well, keep hoping that they’ll stop burning their hand on the stove one day. Seems like a waste of time and energy, but that’s up to you.
Why you have to call them stupid?
Gestures broadly
Yeah Lemmy surely fits the description. Carry on
You reap what you sow.
Some might say that makes you deserving of it, and others might disagree. But the apparent causal relationship exists outside of moral judgments.
That the states that consistently vote Republican are also consistently among the states with the worst quality of life, and that there’s a correlation between the two.
That Republicans don’t actually care about Americans.
That they keep voting for people who “love the working class” and who “have great economic policy” but every classically Republican state is a fucking shithole that constantly needs money from blue states to stay barely afloat.
It’s yet more evidence that the GOP don’t have any interest and/or ability to properly run a country. All their ideas fucking suck and everything they touch is worse for it, and their base needs to realize this. Also educated or not it’s so insanely obvious these days just how bad shit is and whose at fault but us North Americans(I’m Canadian, same problems here but more boring) can’t stop but chase the right when the center falters. At this point people should be mocked, this shit’s inexcusable in ways it wasn’t as much even only 10-15 years ago.
That’s what I did.
Mocked, yes, but saying they deserve to suffer…I dunno honestly yea I kinda agree but I’m trying to take something more productive from the data.
Well, is it not true?
Do you think it’s true?
Maybe. If people have been given ample opportunity to make the right choice, but they keep making bad choices, choices that continue to cause them to suffer, is that not what they deserve?
That red states vote against their own interests. They have massive needs and lag on many wellness metrics, yet consistently vote for politicians who are happy to keep them that way via the policy they enact
Exactly. They’re idiots and they deserve what they get.
Man you seem pretty happy about it, almost like you want your country to suffer.
Every Oklahoman I have ever met would agree with this statement unironically
Blue-voting Oklahoman here!
…yep
I feel called out.
I dont want my blue friends to suffer, but yeah i deserve to suffer for being born here.
I can’t believe they would vote for a different candidate after suffering under the current candidate! FOOOLSS!!!