These couches are hostile furnishings for the home. Designed with a center console that acts as a physical barrier between you and The Wife™. Complete with cup holders, motorized reclining action, and a storage compartment where you can keep your Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition collection.
There is no space on this couch for any form of physical intimacy.
Probably gotta’ thrift and maybe reupholster an old couch at this point. Or maybe there’s some business/hotel ones that are still built to last and cost a lot.