Look, I’m not going to argue with anyone who says this is a bad movie. But that doesn’t stop it from being fun. Just turn off your brain and enjoy it.
There’s a movie from 2003 called The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (yes, yes, I know it was a graphic novel first). That movie took a bunch of fictional characters (Tom Sawyer, Captain Nemo, Dorian Gray) and throws them into a wacky action-adventure movie. Van Helsing does something similar but uses horror monsters like the Wolfman, Frankenstein’s monster, Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, and Dracula to make a wacky action-adventure movie. It makes no sense, and that’s perfectly fine. At least it’s a more fun mash-up of horror movie monsters than The Monster Squad. You might have some nostalgia for The Monster Squad but I’d argue that Van Helsing has aged much better than it.
Anyway, the plot is almost able to weave all these characters into a cohesive narrative. But more importantly, it has Kate Beckinsale in a tight corset. Obviously a sign of a great movie.
Here’s a trailer. For vampire movies that are more action than horror, I think this is one of the best.
You take that back, The Monster Squad is bitchin’!
I love them both, though. Van Helsing is a bit bloated, but when it’s not getting too wrapped up in exposition it’s superb. The opening B&W sequence, every nonsense acting decision made with Dracula and his brides, the wonderfully over-the-top Transylvanian village architecture… so much to love.
This movie SLAYS. It was clearly going for a James Bond -type of action hero with enough homage and parody to gleefully sling you through the over-the-top sequences. Kate Beckinsale’s accent is terrible and Hugh Jackman doesn’t even try but that doesn’t matter because the action is killer and the production is top-tier.
Friar Carl! Verona, Marishka, and Aleera! Frickin IGOR! More monsters than a season of Scooby-Doo! Anyone who thinks this is a bad movie deserves a visit from the Knights of the Holy Order…
