Hello. Thank you for taking the time to read my post.
I’ve been concerned regarding some of my family members getting more deeply involved in Christianity to the point of talking about hoarding holy water and avoiding taking responsibility for issues and problems in their lives because “God will take care of it/fix it/keep us safe.”
Recently, a conversation came up regarding lent and I wasn’t sure how to address it. A brother (early to mid-twenties) is seemingly searching for meaning in his life but I can’t see this direction going well for him, and that all that awaits him is empty beliefs and practices, while being a pawn to people in his church.
Below are examples of what he’s said he’s searching for in eating no meat, dairy, or oils for lent.
I want to be spiritually better, I’ve felt empty inside for a while, chasing vanity, little highs and rushes of fun but ultimately mean nothing. Maybe sometimes I want these things, but then I remember it gets me nowhere as they’re bad habits. It’s fun to give into everything I crave, but then it just slowly eats away at me. I’ll live in cognitive dissonance knowing deep down there’s something wrong and the more I ignored it the worse it got. I’ve done a lot of research, inquiring, and things happened it’s clear this is the path
He said having a strict diet on lent is “practice to make myself in this world, but not of it”. I asked what that means and he said this.
“To not put my values in worldly things. It’s a theological concept that, even tho I’m man and live in the world, I shouldn’t put my basis for everything here. I sleep and wake up everyday, I eat, drink, work, and have fun, but there are greater things than this world. And it’s not because “if I don’t do what I want here, I get what I want later” but rather I’ll start glorifying shitty things, chasing highs, becoming addicted. These cravings become my values if I’m not careful, but my values don’t come from the world”
I want to help him find what he seems to be looking for, while directing him to things which don’t involve religious belief. I don’t really know what most of this means or what to do. I personally caused a huge issue in my family as a child (losing my ‘door privileges’ as a result) when I locked my door one day and refused to go to church anymore. So I’m not the most familiar in what’s happening at places like this anymore.
Thank you again for your time and any advise or direction is greatly appreciated.
walk away. lifes too short to deal with people you dont like regardless of shared dna. worked for me.
Hording holy water? what are they preparing for vampires or something?
in any case, it reads more like a midlife crisis or some kind of accute mental illness.
Is he hurting anyone? Does he push his belief on you, because it seems like you asked? If he starts othering and saying/doing things that are harmful to self or others, you can’t control anyone but you.
This kinda stuck with me, so I’m going to comment again with a final thought: it almost feels like he’s trying to process some guilt or fear, or both. Maybe you can work with that. Gently suggest therapy or something. Not instead of religion but in addition. Don’t make it sound like it’s supposed to turn him away from religion or it sounds like he’ll reject it for that reason.
Spirituality and religion are different things. Spirituality is basically an attempt to find meaning in life by identifying with something that transcends the self. Religion can be one way to try to achieve that, but is just a set of norms and myths used to try and understand existence and our place in it.
Spirituality can be secular and is by no means a bad thing. It doesn’t even have to be irrational or unscientific. Asceticism is a spiritual practice adopted by many religions and is thought to help one focus on spiritual enlightenment. Lent is an ascetic practice.
Imo this is very much a case of “to each their own” and, as long as it isn’t hurting your brother or anyone else, then it may help him find more meaning in his life.
This might sound like a strange suggestion since I am not an adherent myself, but it sounds like your brother really feels the need to have some sort of “spiritual” thing in his life. Maybe try to push him toward Buddhism? It’s a lot less malicious most of the time.
Yeah, I’m as atheist as they come, and I encourage it in others, but if he finds asceticism and Christianity meaningful, I wouldn’t fight him on it. At least not in the ways you are describing. He feels lost and adrift, looking for something to ground him, and instead of offering an alternative, you’re just tearing down the one thing giving him direction. That’s not going to work.
Yeah, I think it’s empty. Yeah, I think it’s opening him up to being used and manipulated. Yeah, I think it’s a waste of energy that could be better spent improving the real world. But plenty of us waste our time on secular things too. You might want to think about what you’re actually worried about here, because he’s going to make decisions in life you don’t agree with and god isn’t going to be any more or less real whether he believes.
The only real red flag here is him avoiding responsibility and dumping everything in God’s hands. That never works out. But if you want to get through to him, you have to put it in terms he’ll accept. “God isn’t sweeping obstacles out of your way—he helps those who help themselves. You have to put in the effort. You have to take responsibility. Otherwise, you will only reap what you sow.”
It’s all bullshit, but it might be the bullshit he needs to hear. Not everyone can handle life without a higher power. Not everyone wants to. And as long as it’s not hurting anyone, pushing too hard against it will only hurt your relationship.
The more you try to lead him away from religion the more he will probably dive right into it.
You just have to let him come to his own conclusions and decide on his own direction on life. Religion makes people feel unique because of what they give up or stop themselves from enjoying.
You just have to let them have that and just enjoy your own life to it’s fullest.
Trying to control your family in this regard is a losing battle.
