Hahaha i indeed did, a lot. It even was one of the many reasons i am no longer religiouse in any way. But unlike most religiouse people and the catholic church, i am living the values of their religion unlike them.

I myself have no idea how i am still alive, why i never with the knife on my wrists, standing on a cliff/bridge or having my head in a rope already and all it would have took was one small move, why i didnt do this small movement.

All i know is, i somehow am still here, with a clear goal: Doing all in my power so no one has to suffer like i do

But i am anything but healthy. Like i wrote, i am still fighting addictions that i got from the porn life, unlearning habits from the decades of abuse. I do not feel pride, but also no shame about it all. But it defenetly gives me confidence and reasurance. “I have been threw so much and gotten threw and out. I can withstand this too”

The porn industrie isnt inherently evil. It is a job like any other, but it has a very high risk of quickly becoming hell and torment, without you even noticing. You just have to get to the wrong people and before you know it you are trapped and they have you dancing to their melodie