Racism, sexism and all the various other “hate these people” isms and phobias are arguably methods for expressing and rationalizing anger. And they’re bad. But what’s a good way?

  • Croquette@sh.itjust.works
    211·
    9 months ago

    What works for me :

    1. I remove myself from the situation that caused the anger.

    2. I let myself live the anger for a minute or two, or a bit more if needed.

    3. When the anger is gone, I identify what emotion is the cause of anger. Anger is 99% a reaction to a negative emotion.

    4. I say outloud to myself the reason of my anger. Otherwise, I feel like the anger is pent-up.

    5. If my anger was directed at someone, I apologize and explain why I was angry.

    6. Finally, I reflect on the situation and the emotions I experienced. Sometimes it’s 30 seconds, sometimes it’s a few days, depending on the gravity of the situation. By understanding what caused the negative emotions, I can handle it better in the future.

      • Croquette@sh.itjust.works
        2·
        9 months ago

        I figured out that my issue was that I wasn’t able to identify the emotions I had.

        I worked with my therapist to learn to catch myself when I get angry, then I learned to accept the anger and finally identify the negative emotion.

        By doing that, I don’t hold on to that anger most of the time, and when I do, it’s a lot shorter.

        And by identifying the underlying emotion, I can live the emotion and then redirect it. Overall, it made a big difference in my life.

        I will always be stuck with anger as my first reaction to a negative emotion. But it is a lot healthier now.

      • Croquette@sh.itjust.works
        1·
        9 months ago

        This is why it is important to learn to identify the smaller frustrations to stop them from building up. Smaller frustrations are easier to deal with, so it is a good idea to take a minute or two to just deal with them right when they happen. It will stop most of the bigger outbursts.