This is actually so true. This is the realest thing. Before my physical transition, pronoun circles were so harmful to me thanks to experiencing the scenario in the OP, and now at this point, I don’t care about them at all. But they have never been helpful to me.

I agree that other people will surely find it helpful if they wish to share their own pronouns; and they are also useful for creating an atmosphere of acceptance to make me feel more comfortable; but they do more harm than good when a person is forced to answer like in the situation in the OP. It hurts.

Cis people, here is how to do it: Feel free to present your own pronouns to convey an atmosphere of acceptance and reassurance, either verbally or in a signature/username/bio, but do not ask other people for their pronouns unless you actually really need to know. You only need to know if you are talking about the person to a third party.

It is also extremely performative and annoying when cis people only do the pronoun circle when there is a visibly trans person in the room. It’s infantilising. Either you always offer your pronouns because you want to, or you never offer your pronouns because you don’t want to.

Disclaimer: This is the humble onion of just one trans person and I don’t respresent everybody.

me when every job asks me to self identify my gender

damn this reminds me of that one time in college when i was boymoding and they were doing a round about on pronouns and fuckin EVERYONE in the class turned around to look what i said. they didnt do that to anyone else 💀

I had to do this at a fucking PARTY once. This person who decided she was event coordinator for drinking in someone’s apartment had us all sit in a circle and give our pronouns, a fact about ourself and our celebrity crush. Deeply painful moment, mostly cause it was cringe af for me. Ice breakers do the opposite.

only cis people include the possessive pronoun

Hey trans comrades, I got a question as a CIS. I work with teenagers and there’s a decent amount of them that are trans or simply non conforming to CIS stereotypical looks. I substitute teach, so I usually don’t know the names of students.

I’ve made a mistake before of needing to get a kid’s attention and saying “excuse me young man/young lady” or “excuse me miss” or something like that. And they turn around and I’ve misgendered them. What’s a gender neutral way to get the attention of someone that I can start using instead of gendered words?