SnowySkyes [she/her]

  • 19 Posts
  • 585 Comments
Joined 7 months ago
Cake day: December 12th, 2023
  • SnowySkyes [she/her]@hexbear.netMtotraaaaaaannnnnnnnnns@hexbear.net•Anyone here transition later in life? (Book discussion)English
    5·
    6 hours ago

    Speed running bottom surgery that quickly is so wild to me.

    CW: Talking about genitals and self mutilation

    It’s definitely one of those things that is odd about me, but it definitely was needed. I never really liked my penis. It caused me a lot of anxiety and I certainly never really cared to use it. Sex was a chore cause I always forced myself to get off with penetration even though I just didn’t like it at all. Shortly after my egg broke, all of the feelings I had over the years kinda coalesced into some fairly powerful bottom dysphoria. Thanks to my mousy wife’s insurance, I was able to get the ball rolling immediately at the 6 month of HRT mark. But I’m not kidding you that I didn’t look at the damned thing on purpose for the last 12 months or so that I had it. It disgusted me. It enraged me. I just wanted to grab one of my kitchen knives and slice it off and just be done with it. I fucking hated it. My puppy wife, after having had her bottom surgery last year, was as mindful around me as possible cause she could see how egregiously bad my bottom dysphoria was. So, in short, it was a quick ride, but gods it definitely saved my life.

  • SnowySkyes [she/her]@hexbear.netMtotraaaaaaannnnnnnnnns@hexbear.net•Anyone here transition later in life? (Book discussion)English
    6·
    8 hours ago

    I fall under the “old” category here and I feel that my story is an odd one. My egg fully cracked at 32. I started transitioning at 33. I am turning 35 soon and hitting 2 years HRT. Hells, I had my bottom surgery 3 months ago here next Friday. I don’t think my age really did anything to me except, in the early throes of my transition, made me feel like I was a fake for not having my egg crack when I was 12 like my wife. I also feel very awful because I never got to have that social transition in my childhood to have a semi-normal girl childhood (which, in hindsight, was probably a good thing with my childhood’s circumstances, but that’s another story). But one has to also realize that, in the 2000s, there really wasn’t any form of awareness when it came to being trans. I didn’t meet me first trans person until I met my wife in 2010. Even then, I didn’t understand her “I want to be a girl” was anything other than just a thought. I didn’t know you could change that. Not even when I met a transmasc person that I worked with in 2012. I didn’t know HRT was an option until literally 2019. And that’s when my gender thoughts started and I proclaimed myself non-binary because I didn’t fit what it meant to be a male. It sucks! It’s why I’m super happy for the younger generations now because they can be exposed to thinking about their gender and moving things in a good direction for themselves earlier in life.

    All that aside, my transition as it is has actually been pretty great. While my transition is still young (22 months HRT), I would say that my age hasn’t really hampered anything. Physically my transition has hit off extremely well, moreso than some early 20 somethings I know that have been transitioning for longer. I recently saw a fullbody pic I took of myself right at the start and compared it to myself (now 22 months later) and the changes are huge. Breasts have gotten much much larger. Fat redistribution has done a ton more than I though as I have a discernible hourglass shape (though it’s still forming). My skin is awesomely smooth. Emotionally, my emotions have awoken way way more than when I started, though I can definitely still feel puberty #2 ravaging my mind. My emotions do fall off the rails from time to time, especially when PMS slams me. Along those lines, I have done a metric fuckton of work on the things you can manually change. I immediately socially transitioned after my egg cracked. I voice trained already and have a passing voice. I’m slowly learning how to properly dress myself for my body type. I learned basic makeup super early (by going to Ulta and asking for a lesson). I changed my legal name already. A ton of work, but oh so worth it.

    All that said, every little bit of this has been extremely difficult. The last 2 years of my life have been grueling. It has been filled with a ton of mental and physical pain that I otherwise would not have to deal with. But I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. Everything feels better. Everything feels right. And sure, while I didn’t get to figure these things out earlier, I still managed to and I’m correcting it now nearing the halfway point of my life. At least I’ll get to enjoy that last half the way I should’ve in the first place. And even though life is harder in just about every aspect, I wouldn’t dare trade it for anything in the world.

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