The older one just had a dental appointment today, and was uncomfortable with some of the procedures. My wife talked him through things along with the hygenist, and for a few things she took a different approach he was more comfortable with.

With vaccine reluctance, we generally go straight to bribes. We treat ourselves after doing something like that anyway, so why not them?

So far, we haven’t had any issues yet!

You need cattle to make a burger.

You are correct about this song, but keep in mind, one of the most popular wedding songs is “Every Breath You Take”, a song about stalking someone. So, I could def see a duet being made like that.

I’m not that technical. I was trying really hard to be a good guy but I definitely wanted to fuck her. That whole façade of maturity crumbled at my first opportunity.

It was all bullshit, technically and otherwise. But there’s something about a woman looking at you and saying you raped her that undoes you. There was probably a time in my life after that when I was in danger of going full incel. But I didn’t and here we are. We were both young and dumb and I’m sure she could never have known how deeply that cut.

Hard to explain exactly. I think she meant it humorously, except in a way where she kinda meant it? I think it was in the context of her ex sexually abusing her and me saying I was nothing like that.

It’s not cool to say, “my ex was a crazy bitch.” I was no paragon of maturity myself. But I do think she had some issues. She was about 22 (I think that’s how old I was) and that had been her second marriage, and there were issues with how we treated one another that spoke to both of our immaturities.

I think the whole thing lasted about 3 months, so it wasn’t like it was so bad that I instantly left. But it sticks in my craw nearly thirty years later. On some level, she meant that. And she probably told her next partner I was part of the pattern of abuses she suffered—waving her damage around like a broken wing looking for… something.

She’s probably grown up by now. Most of us do. Those are some really awkward years for a lot of us.

ETA: Thinking on it, the thing is she was trying to bring me down to her ex’s level. She was joking that I shouldn’t hold myself above the guy who abused her. That’s just not funny even in a playful way. No matter how tee hee you say it, that’s toxic as fuck.

Oh, certainly not!

I have never, and would never murder anyone.

But this is exactly what a murderer would say

I am a big nerd when it comes to relationship theory. I heavily advocate for purposeful relationships in which each party makes it well-known what their wants, needs, dealbreakers, boundaries, STI status, etc. are well before clothes come off.

I regularly hear people reply, “Lol no, you start talking like that and she’s gonna nope out because she’s not gonna find that sexy at all.” To which I reply, “Then maybe you’re dating the wrong people.” The people in my circles…men, women, and enbies alike…highly value consent, so when a potential partner starts this discussion, it is very, very sexy. It shows that they value our safety, sexual health, informed consent and bodily autonomy, and people like that are the only people for whom I will ever take my clothes off.

So, fun story. My ex-wife, when we were dating, told me that she was raped by her dad after her parents were divorced. She said that this was why sexual intimacy was difficult for her. (I urged her to go into couples therapy wth me. She refused.) When we were going to get married, she invited her dad to the wedding, and I asked her about that; she said that it was actually her mom’s boyfriend that had raped her, not her dad. But she very, very definitely said her dad did it, and it was clear from the context surrounding the conversation at the time that she knew I was interpreting her statement as being about her biological father.

So there are a few possibilities here. First, both her mom’s boyfriend and her dad raped her when she was a pre-teen. It’s not impossible, but it seems improbable. And also, why invite one of her her rapists to her wedding, and why try to re-build a relationship with him? And why lie to me when I said WTF? Second, her father really did rape her, and the boyfriend didn’t. Cool, now she’s falsely accused her mom’s ex- of rape, and is trying to build a relationship with her rapist. Third, the boyfriend raped her; but why did she tell me her father had? Why drag him through the mud? Why not say that it was her mom’s BF in the first place? Fourth–and this is the one I lean towards–she was not raped by either, and it was a convenient excuse to give me to explain why she wasn’t interested in sex with me without saying she didn’t like sex. Given that the decade we were married was nearly sexless, and that she eventually claimed to be asexual (which I doubt, since I know for certain that her sex life once we split was far, far busier than it had been when we were dating or married), that’s the one that seems most probable.

I understand it. They think respect and consent is weak and pathetic. They want ‘strong’ people who violate others boundaries.

you’re being awfully dismissive of what even a claim of sexual assault can do to a person.

What do you think being sexually assaulted can do to a person?

And they clearly said the reason why they didn’t do it was because they didn’t want to be “called for sexual harassment”. Not because they respect women and consent, but because they didn’t want to be caught.

I’ve met one once, but it seems that was only because she’d given up trying to make me notice those games.

At some point her patience ran out, and I haven’t yet come up with a way (natural and not forced) to talk to her that would meet the condition she set then (if it’s something romantic, then I should mean it and not wander around, and if it’s art, then it should be clearly art, no nonsense ; and wandering around is my way of life, so).

Yeah that one happened in my early teens, and so a part of me is glad I didn’t because I definitely wasn’t mature enough for that level of instant relationship and if it had not turned into a relationship I would have been completely destroyed, but there’s another part of me that all these years later still regrets.

– she calls me creepy and to stop stalking her. I explain im not stalking im just being a friend and just enjoy talking inbetween class.

This one is the part where he should have stopped talking to her.

Yes I very well understand its a spectrum but that doesn’t mean you can write a blank pass for yourself and claim ‘it’s just a special aspect of my autism so I can’t be blamed for objectively bad actions on my part’

If you have difficulty understanding emotion then use logic and analytical thinking to help. and to help you understand I’ll be very clear and direct - I am telling you this because it’s practical and useful advice which will improve the quality of your life.

Deaf children have to be taught that farts make noise, likewise in think maybe you don’t realize how obviously manipulative you’re being in telling this story and how you’re arguing about it - this is what will drive people away and make your life harder, like the deaf kid might not know that people can hear him coming but the noise is loud to other people, you might feel that people can’t tell you’re trying to be manipulative about it and logic her into having to be nice to you but to her and her friend it’s as loud as a moaning orgasm.

Logically you can devise simple heuristics to determine appropriate actions, s good one is to consider the actions of the other person and how they compare to the easiest path towards their possible intent. For example in any conversation the person will either want to continue it or end it, however they likely will want to remain polite and kind so won’t be pushy or rude - are they adding to the conversation, continuing it, picking it up when it flags or are they giving short answers, mostly answering rarely asking?

The way you describe your conversations with her sounds like you’re trapping her with her desire to be polite. For example ‘do you want to talk to me’ is a question most people wouldn’t ask because it forces the person to pick beteeen two potentially negative options; yes or rudeness. It’s why you’d generally hear it couched with a soft exit or left unsaid and replaced with an open invitation like ‘oh maths is next, the homework was so boring’ allowing them to end the conversation with something like ‘yeah…’ or start it with ‘yeah, I didn’t even read all the questions it was so boring…’

Of course it’s not an exact science but it’s very easy to see trends, if you saw a graph with all the conversation trajectories overlaid and it was all one person starting them and the other person taking the path of least resistance and rudeness towards ending them then you wouldn’t need to know anything else to know she’s not interested.

From her perspective you’re seeking her out and trapping her in conversations that she can’t politely get out of - especially because she likely doesn’t want to hurt your feelings and likely has genuine affection for you as a human and a friend - however that affection does not mean she wants you stalking her or constantly popping up with ‘hi, do you want to talk to me’ traps.

So to go back to where we started, you can say that you weren’t being creepy but what you mean is you didn’t intend to be creepy. Seeking her out and trapping her in conversations feels creepy to her, to her it feels annoying and awkward because she doesn’t want to be direct but you push her into it time and time again then even when she does you make it more awkward by trying to litigate it and argue your point and telling her that she’s wrong about her feelings - people hste that, I bet you would too.

And here’s an elephant in the room I’ll make explicit because I know you might overlook it otherwise, when you’re so ready with a link to Wikipedia explaining how your actions are justified by your autism it makes it very obvious that you’re using this to explain why she’s wrong to feel like she does. This is one of the many reasons that she’s uncomfortable saying no to loaded questions like ‘do you want to talk to me’ no one wants to look like the assholw who’s rude to the special needs kid. Yeah that’s a hard pill but it’s reality, if you want her to think of you as a nice, interesting and not creepy guy then you have to act like that - you can’t use logic and manipulative conversational tricks to force her into emotions.

And yeah don’t worry if you try a bit people will let you off a huge amount of mistakes and cringe but not because you’re autistic, just because you’re interesting and fun to know without being too much of a burden or bore.